Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've been on this site off and on for 6 months or so. My husband is emotionally and occasionally phycially abusive. I think he has a real personality disorder. I've been in counseling and have been getting more depressed and desparate because the behavior hasn't changed. He doesn't even seem to really see how damaging he is. He mocks me, discounts all my feelings, says i'm crazy, witholds approval and affection and drinks a lot leading to breaking things and shoving me and twisting my wrists. We have been separated about a week and finally yesterday he says he'll go to counseling but after all this time (3yrs!)I felt I needed a little time to make sure he would follow through (he's made these promises many times before) and to get my feelings straightened out. Last night he started giving me ultimatums and said I should decide yes or no on our marriage now, that he wanted to move on and sited lack of sex since we've been separated as a major factor! He said he wanted to have girls over to his apt like a normal single guy. He was so cold and unemotional I can't believe he is so uncaring. How can you go from loving your wife to having girlfriends in one week? I'm very lonely with no friends or family nearby. How do I cope? I do I make new friends?
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
It does seem to me however that you are being coerced into making a decision before you are ready, and that is another sign of abuse. If you are in counselling with a good counsellor I would suggest they are helping you cope and recongnize the signs of abuse.
You are allowed to take all the time you need, and get the respect from your husband for your needs. He is giving you ultimatums. You have the right to your feelings and your needs. If he can't respect your needs then you know what you need to do, take charge of your life your needs and do what you need to do to care for yourself.
He is threatening you with adultery if you don't comply. That is not a loving action on his part.
He is not normal and he is not single, he is an abuser whose wife has left him.
First of all, I think you did the right thing by separating from your husband. He sounds like an abusive alcoholic with lots of issues he needs to work out himself. You cannot change this man, only he can do that.
And he wants you to fish or cut bait after a week of separation? He's also manipulative and unfair. Don't listen to him, you are the sane one, he is the crazy one.
Sweetie, life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't treat you well. Go to counseling with him or without him, it will help you to sort it all out better.
Now you need to start a campaign to find yourself friends and support. Get a cell phone and talk with your family often. Join groups to meet new friends. Fill the void in your life with healthy and supportive people who love you and love themselves.
I know it's all easier said than done, but hang in there it does get better. I left my abusive husband two years ago and my freedom is absolutely priceless. Hugs to you for your pain...it does get better.