I didn't read your journal, but honestly it hasn't helped me to write things down that he did. What helps me is pictures. I was feeling sorry for him today, becuz he is in jail for life, and then I looked at a picture of me during that time, and realized that I didn't recognize my face back then and still don't know who that person in the pic was. It was remembering that time and place and exactly what I was feeling. It was my looking into my own eyes and knowing how miserable I was on the inside. Thats what made me say, he is where he belongs. Hope this helps.

I did keep a journal for a while but i found myself not reading it. The pics were better. All my black eyes, all my bruises, all my cuts, scrapes, stitches, lumps, bumps and assorted hurts. No denying any of it, can't talk myself out of it. There it is in black and white and i can't soft peddle any of it.

I found that writing it did help me. It helped me heal mostly but also helped me work through alot of anger and other emotions that I needed to deal with in order to move forward. Also looking back at pictures of myself during those times(we were both addicts and he was abusive) and how old, stressed, pale and washed out looking with dark circles under my eyes. I won't let myself ever get to that point again.
My husb. and I are still together, he DID change for the better, not abusive and is clean now. Most abusers don't change though.
An abuser is really good at knowing which of your emotions to mess with to get you to give him what he wants. Stay strong girl!! Pay attention to what your gut tells you and you'll be ok.
Hugs to you:)

Writing does help me but I agree with the others here. The pictures are the real detourant for me. I carry them in my purse with my restraining order. When I have a weak moment I take a look and regain my strength. Do what ever helps you to stay strong and safe.