You are probably not going to like what I say, but...do I understand you right that you exclude your kids from plans with you and your boyfriend? I understand that you need companinship. But, kids will take much more time to get over things, give them your undivided attention, dont exclude them..perhaps get counseling on how to help them cope, or go to family counseling.

hi , i guess i should have clarfied... The boys are in counsling I am trying to find a group or terapist i'm comfy with. If the kids are not included it's because I(we) need grown up time. The main thing I want to know is : Do other peoples kids just act mean or crazy for no reason,thus alienating themselves from good relationships? I suppose it is a deffense mechanizim, but man, sometimes, yikes! My boyfriend is understanding and very patient yet he also had to draw the line at the disrespect and abusive attitudes they were displaying in his house. That all said we realized the kids just are going to need alot more time to adjust to me dating again. And we need to plan ahead more for our time. I just need some empathy and understanding on the situation please.-trgrl99

I think ,so long as you are not out with the guy all the time ,it is best to keep him and the kids separate for now ,you are doing the right thing .I hate how people feel the kids have to get used to new boyfriends and force the kids to be around the guys .Some even make the kids call the new guy Dad ext .it is so unfair ,you dont know if the relationship will last and then if it doesnt they have to adjust all over again.. The kids need time with you and lets face it ,boyfriends need attention and so you have less for the kids .In time when they are more settled this can change .Other people do have the same problems as you they just dont like to admit it ...keep up the caring and you will get there .yes kids need discipline but that is not the answer for every thing .I hate how people point fingers and say "that kid needs a good belting " but those same people would be horrified if you actually did what they said. They it would be "OMG did you see that bitch beat up her kid" lol do the best you can and give it time ...

Hey there. I am a kid who used to act out against my parents because of what happened to me, althought I do dare to say they are a lot less understanding then you seem to be. Nothing calmed me down, just dont ground them or any of that nonsense, it never works. Use positive and negative reinforcement or whatever, Im still new to psychology. I hope this advice helps u; just give positive reactions when they behave and negative ones when they dont. Eventually they will snap out of it, dnot worry.