
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Does an abuser ever change?? Can they change on their own without the help of professionals?? Do they ever realize the verbal abuse and control?? Are the tears and words ever real or is just a loss of control for them again?? What are the stats on them changing?? Do they ever really change??
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My ex gave plenty of lip service to change. Never DID anything about it, but talked about it constantly. It wasn't until i was out of it that I realized that the one he wanted to change was me, not him.
They know and understand what they are doing. They have a personality disorder which renders control over people as an addiction. They become crafty at manipulation and will use anything to gain favor and control. Tears and remourse for their actions are real, but become part of the vicious cycle of abuse. They are not a loss of control, but a mechanism for gaining control back. They revert to the charm that caused them to fall for them in the first place, and as soon as you knuckle under and go back, the abuse cycle returns. The only way to stop this cycle is with serious soul searching on his part and intense therapy in being able to change his behaviors. He CANNOT do this with you under his roof - and the only way to be sure that he is serious about it is that he has to agree to treatment while you are separated, and it should last for at least a year. Most abusers cannot and will not agree to that, because they are wired to believe that the problem is with everyone else, not themselves, and the control gives them such a rush and feeling of superiority.