Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello, I have a question in regards to whether people change. I dont mean basic change, but the change in terms of personality and attitudes towards women in general. It involves mt ex-boyfriend who I bitterly broke-up with about 5 years ago. I was 16 when we started dating, he was 17 and of course he was my first for everything and I was his. He always claimed he loved me, he was perfect for me and we were almost inseparable. I would have married him if he treated me as well as he did in the beginning. But things started to turn pear-shaped about 3-months into our relationship. He started to become possessive, didnt want me to spend time with my friends but put his friends before me, got jealous of my new possessions, forbid me to go anywhere if he wasnt invited and also started to get jealous of my family, particularly around Christmas cause I had traditions which he didnt. So he would make fun of the fact that I had family commitments. I wanted to end it a lot sooner, but managed to put up with his behavioural antics for 2-years. Things got worse, needless to say I now realise he began to emotionally abuse me. One minute he would be nice, the next minute he would run me down, make me feel stupid in front of everyone and pick on aspects of my looks, then he would blame the fact I was upset on me and my emotions. All above, he claimed that he loved me and never wanted us to break-up. I tried to end it numerous times, but he would always beg me to come back. He treated his mother the same, used to swear at her and she and his sister used to tell me that I deserved much better, cause he was a pig. But I loved him back, and tolerated his behaviour.
When we broke-up, things were bitter. I decided to ignore him so that I would not be lured into a relationship again, which he retaliated and started to be nasty back, but of course blamed me. He could never see that he was treating me badly through the whole relationship, only when I threatened to end it he would change for a week and then change back. One night, 6-months after we had broken up he got really drunk with our friends and cried to them about how much he missed me and loved me. I was willing to get back with him, and confronted him to which he denied he said anything and was happier without me. I was heartbroken and he never gave me the chance to have closure, he refused to talk about it. We worked together which made things worse and he ended up leaving about 2- years later and moving to another town to take another job. I saw him once in that time but it was purely superficial talk and rushed
5 Years later I have recently discovered that he has a girlfriend of whom he has been with for 2-years. I have seen photos and both look happy together. I think to myself now that since he is so happy, than maybe I deserved the way he treated me. Maybe it was me, cause she seems so happy that he probably treats her like a princess. I treated him very well, and his friends would always tell him that I was a catch. I dont see how I could have deserved it, but somehow the thought is there that maybe I did. So, my question is do people change? To the extent that they are a whole new person? Because I tried to repress it for 5 years and move on, but seeing these photos has brought me back to square 1. I feel that I made a mistake and what if? When I was still single and we used to meet up with mutual friends after the break-up, he would always be there. But since I got a new boyfriend about 3-years ago (his childhood friend), he stopped showing up to events that he knew we would be at. It seems to me he is not over it, as all major events in my life get back to him eventually. He continues to keep contact with my boyfriend, who I mentioned was his childhood friend.
What do you think? Do you think he will always treat his girlfriends the same way, or was I an exception?
When we broke-up, things were bitter. I decided to ignore him so that I would not be lured into a relationship again, which he retaliated and started to be nasty back, but of course blamed me. He could never see that he was treating me badly through the whole relationship, only when I threatened to end it he would change for a week and then change back. One night, 6-months after we had broken up he got really drunk with our friends and cried to them about how much he missed me and loved me. I was willing to get back with him, and confronted him to which he denied he said anything and was happier without me. I was heartbroken and he never gave me the chance to have closure, he refused to talk about it. We worked together which made things worse and he ended up leaving about 2- years later and moving to another town to take another job. I saw him once in that time but it was purely superficial talk and rushed
5 Years later I have recently discovered that he has a girlfriend of whom he has been with for 2-years. I have seen photos and both look happy together. I think to myself now that since he is so happy, than maybe I deserved the way he treated me. Maybe it was me, cause she seems so happy that he probably treats her like a princess. I treated him very well, and his friends would always tell him that I was a catch. I dont see how I could have deserved it, but somehow the thought is there that maybe I did. So, my question is do people change? To the extent that they are a whole new person? Because I tried to repress it for 5 years and move on, but seeing these photos has brought me back to square 1. I feel that I made a mistake and what if? When I was still single and we used to meet up with mutual friends after the break-up, he would always be there. But since I got a new boyfriend about 3-years ago (his childhood friend), he stopped showing up to events that he knew we would be at. It seems to me he is not over it, as all major events in my life get back to him eventually. He continues to keep contact with my boyfriend, who I mentioned was his childhood friend.
What do you think? Do you think he will always treat his girlfriends the same way, or was I an exception?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel
Abusers have a personality disorder, usually diagnosed as borderline and/or narcissistic. They believe that the world revolves around them, that their reality is the only valid one, and will do everything to bend you into his reality. When you threaten leaving he will suddenly retreat to the things that you fell in love with in the beginning - the charmer, the one that thought you were the catch of a lifetime. What you describe here is the classic abuser personality.
As if he will ever change. That is doubtful, especially with an emotional/verbal abuser. It requires that they first discover that the world does NOT revolve around them (and this goes counter to the narcissistic personality disorder) and agree to intense therapy uncoupled with their partner. Abusers know what they are doing is wrong, but believe that they are above it. The rules don't apply to them, because they are "special." It takes intense therapy to break this down, and the percentage of abusers that actually change is less than 5%.
If he has been in a relationship for 2 years with this woman, there is a good chance that she is going through all the things you did, including feeling like she DESERVES it.
Believe me - you did not deserve it. You are a worthwhile human being who deserves to be treated like one.
What she said above is absolutely right. Emotional abusers are really good at manipulating, means they will manipulate you into thinking they will change over and over again...trust me, never happens, just repeated hurt.