Generally your first visit to any lawyer is free. Do yourself a favor and find a woman. I know that sounds horribly sexist, and it probably is. But oh well. Usually there is a retainer required. It varies, just talk to her and tell her truthfully what your situation is. I bet she's heard it before, so don't worry about what you are saying to her. I've yet to see a lawyers office without kleenex in it!

She will tell you the truth. Believe her. I'm not sure what state you are in, but honey, half of everything is yours. Period. Does he believe everything is his? Sure he does. He's WRONG, but that doesn't mean he doesn't believe it.

Once you get to court it's very cut and dried. There will be no room for his emotional blackmail anymore. It's that simple. If you need a little hand holding, just come here or go to your sisters. You aren't paying your lawyer big bucks to hold your hand. You are paying your lawyer to be a barracuda. Barracudas are not, by nature, cuddly! Don't be intimidated, just do it.

To quote a training shoe ad (i can't remember who)

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!!!

Sweetie, be thankful that he is being this ugly. This is the type of behavior that divorce lawyers love, and gets their juices flowing to be your advocate. That being said, I'll let you know what I know about divorce lawyer practice.

Queen is right - that most attorneys have a free first visit. If they don't, then they aren't worth that first visit fee. You need to make an appointment with one, and consider it an interview (i.e. you are interviewing him/her). You need to ask questions, and if you don't understand the answers, or feel like they evaded your questions, you need to move on and find another one. Remember, each one will have that first "interview" session as free, so you don't just get one hour, you get one hour per attorney free.

Second, understand that the price they quote you will be a retainer for an uncontested divorce, and even if it is uncontested, it may be more than that depending on how much work they have to do to put the papers together and how complicated your shared holdings are. It will include you making an "offer" for a settlement, him accepting or refusing the terms or parts of them and then redrawing the papers until agreement is reached.

If the divorce goes beyond an uncontested one - a disagreement that cannot be settled on the property or custody arrangement, you will have the options of binding mediation (an arbitrator makes the determination and both parties agree ahead of time to accept the terms of the arbitrator), non-jury trial where a judge determines the outcome or a jury trial where the jury does. Each of these options will have a different retainer, and understanding how these processes work and the retainer costs for each need to be questions for your "interview" with the lawyer.

Remember, the lawyer is working for you, and if they ever give you the idea that is not the case, it is time to find another. Even though queen suggested a woman, I had a man and I don't think a woman could have done any better as far as advocate for me. One thing to consider is that your attorney will have to negotiate with your STBX, so consider how he might react to the person you are interviewing. I think, considering how much of a sexist pig my ex was, that there is no way he would have agreed to anything had my attorney been female. I know this is a tricky mix - one that you can relate to and one that can negotiate with your STBX, but BOTH are important in you being able to come to an agreement in the shortest time possible, with the least amount of emotional torture, and the least amount of attorney fees.