
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

deleted_user
So, I'm reading that book "The verbally abusive relationship" by Patricia Evans. She talks about how an abuser and their victim normally live in "2 different realities". I really agree with this. My H is impossible to understand, predict, satisfy...but he would deny all of that. He thinks he is completely rational (not even close), his opinion is the ONLY one that can ever make sense (even if there is physical proof otherwise). He can have an episode where his verbal abuse is off the charts cruel, and then just act like nothing happened or he was "joking". I feel like this is really driving me crazy. For one reason, the fact that he usually downplays what actually happened always makes me question myself. I wonder if I WAS being over-sensitive (I know this is discussed in the book as well). But over the years, I really have become de-sensitized to him. Yet I still find myself wondering if I remember the incidents correctly. I dont want to be dragged down into his reality. I'm not even sure he knows he's doing this. Has anyone else dealt with someone who you just cant make heads or tails of...even after several years. And how can I make anybody understand how this is destroying our relationship. Nobody gets it and everyone just tells me "it's just immaturity" and "all men are like this". FRICKING FRUSTRATING!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
He still doesn't see he has a problem or accept any responsibility. It's all about others hurting him.
I couldn't mention ANY other guys other than my kids or he would get so jealous yet he would intentionally make me jealous with comments like "I have a waiting line of women who want to see me".
Not all men are like that....just the abusive ones.
He might as well have just hit me with a shovel.
I was walking on eggshells....careful not to say anything that would hit one of his "triggers" and turn him into a cold, cruel jerk.
But he said what he wanted and many times it was calculated and cruel.
I'll never understand how these men feel jusitified treating women this way.
I told him once that I hoped his daughter never ended up with someone like him....
Patricia Evans was the one who shocked me into realizing I had been abused, and I will thank her forever for that. Now, several years later and with a couple of breakthroughs behind me, I see something in your comments that I only knew after serious therapy. It is possible that you becoming "desensitized" to his rants and comments is actually you shutting down emotionally. I lived with a verbally abusive man for 22 years, and was probably emotionally shut down for the last 15 years or so. It is only in the last few months of therapy that I have begun to see how shut down I was.
Ms. Evans' book is a good beginning to your understanding of where you are. It is a good thing to continue research and dig deeper into what has happened to you because of this abuse with a professional who understands the aftereffects of abuse, including batterred woman's syndrome and PTSD. It is advisable to be screened for PTSD early, because the effects can be debilitating.