I think I brought on the abuse myself. I am not unintelligent, I am not stupid. Things were never that great between us even from the beginning. Did I bring it on myself? During our relationship I always tried to be the better one. He was the bad boy whom I had to tame, to make love me appropriately, to make behave. When he would punish me I didnt feel anything. I just had to be better than him, but I think I was just as bad because I didnt stop it either. Does anyone else feel that way? He said when I left that I would tell people that he was abusive, he called me a victim-lover. Was I an abuser too because I allowed him to be that way?
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