Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been emotionally (and, in one incident, physically) abused for most of my life. I don't remember much of the worst phase now (I guess my mind's hiding it from me), but the terror, anxiety and grief still sits in my body, manifesting itself as tensions, occasional depression and a horrible stutter that's developed the last year or so. My family's in shambles, my mother's on the brink of a mental breakdown and I'm dead worried about my brother, who's forced by his father (my main abuser) to come visit him regularly every week. The guy's a psychopath, and so manipulative that no one believes us when we tell the authorities about his true nature. In all of this I'm trying to deal with my own problems, which have resurfaced together with my mother's growing problems; personally I believe she might have PTSD (no wonder) and shows signs of being bipolar - she sure has troubles managing her anger and handling stress. How do you deal with memories you can't fully remember in your head, only in your body? How to deal with pent- up emotions from way back in time when the same emotions seem to swallow you up in the present? How to cure yourself in such a negative environment?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
My situation is similar to yours. The first time I realized how bad the things I couldn't remember was whn I was 19. I was living with a boyfriend. He lost his temper (not violent) and I had a panic attack, started shaking, and just about lost it. I still fear for my brother, who remains in rare contact with our father, whom I made the healthy decision to cut out of my life last year sometime.
I guess just take it a day at a time. When those blacked out memories cause you trouble, deal with your reactions, you can learn to have control over your feelings to an extent. And just let each day be just today!
Be there for your brother when he needs it, and make sure that if he feels unsafe in any way, he tells someone. I know where I live, you can start making decisions at 13 as to whether or not you live with one parent or another, that should include visitation also.
Stay strong!!!! Sending my Luv your way!!!! If you need to talk to someone who just understands I'm here!
This is a good question that you ask!! I lived with physical and emotional abuse for years. I had a nervous breakdown in my mid 20's because I either wouldn't or couldn't be honest with myself at the time about all I had been through. I started getting better when I began to see a GOOD therapist who could walk me through these frightening feelings. I would never attempt to do it alone. After about a year, I saw a significant change. I read a lot of books about my problem to understand what I was dealing with and encouraging books to help me get in tough with my spirituality. I can actually remember the day and always will when everything began to turn around for me. I got down on my knees for the first time in years and said a prayer asking God for help because I couldn't do it alone. Suddenly, I felt this strange urge to find my Bible. I was almost in a panic looking for it and I started reading the words of Christ written in red from the book of Matthew. I wanted to hear it from the man HIMSELF and after about an hour I began to cry because a peace came over me that I hadn't felt in years. Since then I know that I'm never alone. I can always take my problems to HIM.
Maybe something I said helped a little??? Let me know if you ever need a listening ear...
Most of my memories are incomplete. During processing, I process mostly body sensations as my memories are old and that is where they are stored.
hkteeta - I do try to do everything I can for my brother; I've promised myself that we will come through this and be even stronger in the end. My brother is one of the few people in my family whom I truly love. In my country, the child's voice counts at the age of 12, where the parents and advisors have to listen to what the child has to say (but they still might do whatever they please as long as they consider the child's opinion). I hope he will be okay till then.
twinkle39 - prayer is a good way for self- help, I'm sure. I'm not a Christian, more of a Pagan, I guess, but I agree that prayers and meditation to/with the appropriate deity helps coping with the issues.
BettyB - I haven't heard about EMDR... I don't think it's very well- known up here. I'll have to look it up =)