My dads totally unpredictable, he just flips! Or maybe I'm not as good at reading the signs as you?

I could tell with my husband. Body language, pursed lips, stiff movements, very articulated speach, judgemental of me.

the reasons maybe unpredictable, but I can tell when its coming... because of subtle physical cues

I could always tell. Without question or hesitation i knew when it was coming. The cold eyes, the silence between sentences, the chain smoking. Yes i could tell. And eventually it wasn't anything he was doing. I could feel the hatred coming off him in waves, washing over me in a cold cascade.

With my ex-husband it was totally random. Sometimes when things I knew would set him off, he didn't, and then things as insignificant and random as the taco place not putting hot sauce in the bag would bring on a barrage that lasted an hour. (I was in trouble because I didn't "check" it before I drove away)

Anyway, an abuser usually has one or more serious personality disorders, and the ability to predict what they will do and when depends on which disorder is in control.

my ex's whole face would change, and I'd see the look in his eyes, and think, uh-oh. After a while, it was when he had a drink. I know my counselor said drinking and abuse aren't necessarily connected, but with him, it was literally jekyll & hyde

Chelsa, the drinking and the abuse honestly are 2 different problems, but since they are coming out of one man that makes you his single target. Want to know how I know this? My ex was an abusive alcoholic. His alcoholism had nothing to do with his abuse, and his abuse had nothing to do with his alcoholism. Honestly they don't. The reason we see it as one problem is that we are his one outlet for all that hatred and rage. We think that if he just quits drinking he'll quit abusing me. Well I'm here to tell you - that's just not so.

good to know -- learning always!