I am in a marriage that really sucks..my husband is a big friggin bully, and he does make me feel like crap..but I will not let him steal my thunder, I remind myself everyday, that he is the one with problem..not me...I encourage myself using self fullfilling prophesy!!! ( unless I am deluded) there goes the uncertainty..anyway, the thing that really lights a flame under my butt is the fact that I am such a hypocrite..I rememeber hearing stories of women who went through such abuse, and I would say "you stupid dummy get out" or I would plots ways she could "do him in" ( I saw that movie "The Burning Bed"} anyway, not to make light of this...I feel like such a hypocrite, because here i am with a man, who hates himself so much, it is my fault if the sun isnt out!!! I mean WTF!!!!!! how can I be such a hypocrite??? does anyone feel like this..is this a normal reaction?? Please I beg of all who have suffered at the hands of an emotional abuser, do not think that I am just full of jokes on this..really, I am crying inside, not because of this 240 lb bully, but because I am a idiot for getting myself into this...Jesus...I am 47 years old..I should know better...and it wasnt for the sex..it is non-existent!!!!! Dang..I am such an Idiot!!!!!
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