ok this is sort of a weird post - i know its a bit deep but do any of you other members look at yourself and despite teh adversity of your abuses and traumas find that you have managed to fullfil child hood dreams in a round about way - maybe not perfectly like you wanted them but there is still a quiet peace with in that says i have accomplished more than i give myself credit for - for example - when i was a kid i came from canada and was very poor but had wealthy cousins - they were handed everything we didnt have much other than an imagination - so we use to play barbie dolls and i was always building the ranch with the pool with tropical palms had horses a 4wheel drive etc - a farm with cattle etc - always said i would visit exotic places others only dream of going to but they are happey to forgo the further destination with something more easier to achieve - ok hope i make sense - well i may not have a big income in fact i am on a disability - but i have two beautiful healthy children - a house on a river - i dont live in canada i live in subtropical brisbane - i have a pool that if you float on your back you only see palm trees - my lot runs to the river - i have had kids ponies as well as my own horse here - my friends all travelled to europe courtesy of their parents after high school - it wasnt an option for me but eventually backpacked at age 29 and went to the south pacific to tahiti and bora bora and now i am going to borneo - i think sometimes we dont realize we have made our dreams come true despite that they are hidden under layers of sadness or self defeating qualities - days like today i think wow - i am the one that followed those barbie doll dreams - maybe divorce wasnt in the picture or an abusive ex bf but i have still managed to accomplish much that was my wildest dreams as a child....
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