I really feel confused today and am not really sure what to do. I know I am doing the right thing by not going back to an abusive relationship, but I do love him - that's not why I left him - I know he has a past history of this with the emotional abuse and it's always been that way since he's been about 22 - found out from talking to an x of his -- I can't help but wonder where he is and what he's doing and who he's with --- why is doing what's right always so hard?? I'm not nieve enough to think that he has changed for me -- but I do believe he loves me -- I do believe he's sorry -- but from everything I'm reading I don't believe he can change unless he wants to - how do I know he relaly doesn't want to?? I don't - was I miserable befiore the physical piece of it? Yes!! Was I emotionally abused and controled?? Absolutely!! So what the heck - why can't I get over this?? Why do I still want to talk to him?? I didn't talk to him for 2 weeks and I was going nuts, I talk to him on the phone here and there and I go nuts ... I just want this all to be better and to know what the right answer is and want the pain to stop!!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??