
Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

deleted_user
Ok, since I have had no couseling, I was wondering if the person that is so controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive, mental? Do they really believe that they are justified in their anger?
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Our abusers don't really feel remorse, if they apologize for their action then it is simply to keep us around for their next need to vent.
One thing you need to know. Abusers do not see the world the way that we do. Most of our confusion is the inabilty to make sense of how the act. We think that it must be something that we could do better, we internalize because we think that we live in the same "life". Our abuser does not seek partnership with us, he/she uses us for his own gratification. He does not want to work anything out with us, he uses us to feel better about himself. Any attempt to explain yourself is waste of time as it is equal to talking to a wall.
In their world they are justified in doing what they are doing. Remember and think about what justice really is. Justice in the US is different than justice in Italy or Iran. Right? Even in our court system, justice is based on interpretation. Jurors in court see and hear the same things...their interpretations of the truth will be totally different. Even though they might come up with the same verdict, at the end, unique interpretations were developed based on the same event.
The abuser and you interpet life in a different way. He keeps you in a relationship with you by preying on your vulnerabilities. He has you under his control. Yes, he is mental.
now whether this is something that can be helped or changed within them is a debate I'm having with myself. as a woman I am completely inclined to say "no! they will never change!!" but as a social worker and therapist I am inclined to say "some of them can change" (of course none of me believes that ALL of them can change). and this is why I find myself still on the fence whether or not to leave my boyfriend. "he's changed in so many ways, so he's capable of it" "but there's a few things that I just don't see him changing" but but but. however, the ONLY way that change is even a slight possibility is if they realize, and I mean really realize, that it is a problem and completely unacceptable, and really truly have the desire to change. I think it's impossible for us to change them or for them to half-ass it.
my other thought on your question is about being justified in their anger. I think that anger is a normal, even necessary at times, emotion. but the problem lies in how it is handled with whoever is feeling the anger. some will sulk, some will cry, some will be angry for hours, some will keep it all inside, and some explode at a family member or significant other. which is when it becomes a problem. I think anger is a justified emotion, what is completely unacceptable is their way of expressing the emotion. and saying that "you make me so mad!!" no one can MAKE them mad. they choose to be mad. they choose to react with that emotion (which sometimes is justifiable, and sometimes not), and they choose how to act on that emotion.
for example, if I go out with my girls and tell chris I will call him at a certain time, and don't, he may be upset. I think that's understandable, if it were reveresed, I would be too. but it's the way it's handled with the yelling and f*** you's and just berating that is not justified. instead if he would say, "where have you been, that really upset me that you said you would call but didn't, what happened? please don't do that again." it would be acceptable.
I'm not sure if I just talked myself in circles. . .
Good luck