It has been a week now since I have talked to this verbally and emotionally abusive man. My counselor told me to get away from him but I just couldn't. Every time I tried he would call again or come to the workout place or my place of work. I kept trying and trying to prove myself worthy of his love. One day he would love me and things would be great and the next day he would be yelling and screaming about something he thought I did, putting me down, etc. He wanted to know every detail of my past life. I had never met any man who was so interested and wanted to know everything about my life. I thought this was true love that he seemed to care so much. I thought he was a safe person to share all of this with. The only thing it got me was days and weeks and months of questions. Every time he got mad or things were going his way he would bring these topics up again and again. We always had to talk about the guys I dated in the past and my other relationships. No one had ever wanted to know so much about my entire life. I soon learned that he would use all of my past things that I had done against me. One day or one week great the next would be crazy. I spent so much time trying to prove I was a good person. I feel like such a fool. How could I reenter into this type of relationship for a second time when it ended so badly 13 years ago. What was I thinking? Why did I think I missed him or this? At the beginning this time he seemed different, so nice, changed. But after a few short months the jealousy, anger, rage, questioning all surfaced again. I still feel like I miss him and I dont know why. I feel peace now. At times it was good but it never lasted. He always said it was because of our situations both being married and the frustration that we couldn't be together how he wanted but he was not willing to leave for his kids. I wanted to leave and be with him and be honest with the world and I really thought we would be great together than. I thought this would truly prove how much I love him. This is why he said he treated me the way he did and had so much anger because we werent together and never could be. I guess it is for the best and I can finish out the year until my son graduates and decide to stay or go. My life will be so much better now at least I keep telling myself that. But as I write this I feel like the biggest fool in the world to have done this a second time and came out with nothing but pain and anger for letting someone treat me this way. ONce again he left me behind because she found out again and this time left him and has threatened divorce if he doesn't stop seeing me. She wants to stay together for the kids like him. I feel like she has won again and I have lost. But my counselor and close friends tell me that I have won and she has lost if she stays with him. They actually told me to run for my life. I am so trying to do that.
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