I am no longer angry at my abusers, some years later. But nor would I ever consider being friends with them. Why would I put myself through that? What could an abuser possibly offer me, apart from more pain? What has an abuser ever done to earn my friendship?

I'm not angry - but I'm staying well away.

I'm sorry for your treatment and for the loss of the relationship with his mother. Does the anger ever go away? Well it seems that depends on the situation. I haven't spoken to my abuser (my step-father) in years and I still am angry with him, and rightly so. Anger and hate are natural when you've been hurt and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't think about it as often though but I know that I probably always hate him. Don't let that anger control your life though, that just gives him control.

I'm sorry that you are missing his mother. I know that's hard.

Since leaving, I've found a wonderful heart centered therapist. I am mostly over the anger, but not the hurt and pain...yet. But I'm getting there.

As far as being friends with an abuser, NO WAY! I just ended a fairly new friendship because this person reminded me too much of my abusers. The way I look at it is why would I want to walk thru a door marked PLAGUE? I wouldn't. So why would I want to be around a toxic person?

Acceptance (and for those who choose, forgiveness), is one thing. Contact w/the abuser is something else entirely. As far as I'm concerned, one doesn't need to go with the other.

Have you considered getting counseling and doing some work where you release your anger in healthy ways under the guidance of a therapist? I'll tell you, beating the crap out of a bag w/a hose can be very theraputic. ;-)

I find that the anger eases over time...

The anger does go away in time. It can also be useful in that that anger will keep you from going back to him, or romanticizing about the relationship. As in, "Oh, it wasn't all that bad...", when in reality, it probably was.

Good for you for getting out and hugs to you for less angry days ahead...

Everyone had great responses, but I have to quote Livndadrem here:

"Why would I put myself through that? What could an abuser possibly offer me, apart from more pain? What has an abuser ever done to earn my friendship?"

I am constantly wishing I could be friends with my ex(and abuser), and the thing is, every time I think to send a message, say hello, I remember - Hey, he's not freaking changing, what's the point? To put yourself through more? ..

The anger is gone for me too. I have only thoughts of healing, peace, and moving on... I think with time, healing, and acceptance all anger can be let go. But yeah, it's good to stay away, too. Hope that helps.

personally im pissed off and i dont think i can ever forgive my husband if i do it will be years from ow yes i know its unhealthy and he doesnt give a rats you know what bout me but i just cant let go of the anger yet but i do think its healthy hen u break up to not have contact with the family its not good for u and as far as being friends i wish i could but i cant y would i have a friend that is capable of doing the evil things he did i want positive people around me peaceful people real people not people who put on facades