So here I go...I was verbally and emotionally abused by my father and mother all my life. They are still to this day tormenting me by only wanting contact with my kids. They even sued me in court over access rights of my kids. They did not win but the process ripped me apart. Now they won't talk to me and it hurts so much. I just want that unconditional love and I know I will never get it. I can't figure out why they hate me. I was such a good kid and did everything necessary to keep the peace in our house. I forgave my father over and over again, even when he would call me a selfish bitch and other words I can not repeat he would also ignore me for months on end...along with other unspeakable things I don't need to mention. Any how here are my questions do any of you who have abusive childhoods hardly remember anything? I can hardly remember a day. And do any of you push those who love you away? I have a loving husband who I am not letting in. He has lasted 15 years and we have 3 incredible kids but something is wrong. I do not love him like I should. But I can't change. Why can't I just trust him and open up? I could go for years living in my own shell. It sucks totally because I know it's wrong but I can't change it. It was only a few years ago that I realized I was abused! I had no one to talk to growing up and from the outside we looked like the perfect family. My brother became mentally ill and I don't speak to him at all. I have no family of my own anymore. Just freak parents who haunt my thoughts everyday. Am I insane? I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my husband but I'm afraid if I don't change I will.I pick on him and make him feel so bad...but I dont know how to change. I feel so lonely and trapped.
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