I feel like my h. is trying to get me to leave. For what other reason would someone just continue to do cruel things, take no responsibility and blame you. His favorite thing is to blame me for him not getting enough sleep - yet he doesn't go to bed. He has told his therapist, which he happily related to me yesterday, that he can't get enough sleep...His therapist has told him in the past that he is 53 yrs old and responsible for putting himself to bed. For a while he didn't use that particular thing against me, but yesterday the rest of the conversation came out to me. He told me that the therapist told him that if I wouldn't let him sleep, he should just leave. He has related tales of being so sleepy that he almost hit telephone poles (this I don't doubt) and he knows it will cause me great shame and guilt and worry but everything is about blaming me! He set me up tonight, making a big show of going to bed. I could feel my temper rising and I wanted to leave but as it is 12 mn, I just couldn,t justify going down the street to the hotel and paying them $60 just to sleep for a couple of hours. Everything just seems geared to getting me to go. The apt I found didn't work out and I will have to take the dog with me because no one would be around all day to take care of him. How can someone hurt you to your core and simultaneously make you hate them? Please, somebody, say something of comfort to me because I feel like I am literally losing my mind. I wonder what is true, what is not, is it me, why is this happening and why do I have to feel such excruciating pain over it all? I am not taking care of myself, eating junk, gaining more weight, my hair is falling out. Why Now? Where can I go. I've thought of extended stay hotels for a short option. I am just immensed in grief with the knowledge that I wasted my life/youth and that NO ONE LOVES ME. NO ONE. Pleae pray for me to be guided. Has this happened to anyone else, that they have been pushed from their home. You can't talk to him. He isn't initimate with me. I am not who I was 8 years ago; working my ass off outside the home, working my ass off inside the home. We were going on trips and there was more money and I wasn't sick and he didn't really have any worries did he? Sorry this is so long. I am just in a terrible way, although I have been praying for my angels to surround me (We all have two that accompany us from birth to death, so they say). I've prayed and cried. I just can't believe it is over and I've been put in charge of ending it. Thanks for listening.
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