Hello, I just joined this community. I've been working on healing from sexual abuse and I realize that the physical and emotional abuse in my family as a child was a big part in why I couldn't do more to stop the sexual abuse. Nobody was accessible to me. I lived in fear of my father and my mother was just trying to survive, being too afraid to JUST GET OUT, so the next in line to be my protector was my older brother who also physically and emotionally abused me, taking after his parents, and later began sexually abusing me. I blame him for his part of the abuse, though I know it was a learned behavior (however, I know he knew right from wrong, because I certainly did), but I also blame my parents. My father is 83 yrs. old now and I've learned to love him, but when I start thinking about how little he thought about me, and everything I had to endure to stay out of his way, I wonder if I really do love him or if I'm still trying hard to get his approval. How could I love a man that is still causing me so much pain daily? This is very confusing to me. Does anyone have any words of wisdom, and can anyone relate to the way I feel?
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