I don't know how to explain this, but a small incident has helped me to realise how negative aspects of my marriage are and what i really want. For those of you who have read my posts i have a complicated marriage. I do love him, i do think he is a good man, not a monster. However some of his behaviours are not good, i.e. losing his temper, saying mean things and i often think it is 'just me' because he tells me i'm unreasonable/selfish etc Anyway, i was partnered with a friends fiance in a game at the weekend (no it wasn't dodgy or swinging it was a DVD game and my friend suggested we swap over to avoid it being girls vs boys or too coupley!!!) anyway, my friends fiance's reaction to me was so sweet and supportive, telling me not to worry when i appologised for getting something wrong, affirming me when i got it right. It felt nice. I don't fancy him, it wasn't a sexual thing, but i was jealous of my friend and thought 'i want this from my relationship'. Meanwhile she came to me when my husband went to the toilet to 'confide' that she'd 'ssshhed' him and he'd been annoyed, i was like 'oh god don't shhh him!'and the next day he complained to me she'd done it. Now i know shhing is a bit rude, but his icey reaction that made her feel bad and that i was like 'oh god don't do that' epitomised our relationship. (it reminded me of when my sister gave him a list of jobs to do for a house party when we went out doing errands and said he didn't seem pleased and i was like oh god no, you can't do that to him he'll be so pissed off! She was baffled.) Anyway whilst i was thinking 'i wish i was in a relationship more like this' and enjoying the feeling it gave me, my friend was probably thinking the opposite! I guess it helped me to frame the positive and negative and compare and contrast relationships, which i can't normally do as my husband and i have been together so long that i don't have an adult relationship to compare it to. It also made me think of a friend who was in an abusive relationship and didn't realise until she was in a car with a male friend, she was giving directions and they got lost. She was panicking and upset and appologising and he was calm and like 'hon, don't worry' and then she realised she was scraed of her fiance and that when the other guy didn't react how he would, perhaps there was a problem with their relationship and they split up. Anyway just wondered if any one else had had similar experiences where they had a 'taster' of someone elses relationship and realised how disfunctional their own is?!
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