Some days I feel so strong like I can do anything. Then I have days like to day that I feel all of the pain all over again. I am still having a hard time with his new girl. It hurts that I meant so little and that he can just go on with his life. He seems to be treating her so much better. That makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Why did I not deserve the attention that she appears to be getting. Of course the key work is appears but it seems real to me. I am hated and I never did anything to deserve it. Some people have pointed out to me that over the years I became intimidating to him because I have gone on quite successfully to improve myself. I make more money, pay all my bills on my own and am a straight A college student with the intent on getting a Dr. degree. He is doing manual labor and living with his son's mother because he lost his house. Not that there is anything wrong with manual labor but that is on the down side of where he was and wants to be. I know he got worse at tearing me apart the more successful I became. This girl that he is with he would consider beneath him and I know that makes him more comfortable. The crazy thing is when I read that other's ex's call them constantly and want to see them, I would give anything for that. That is what really makes me sick, the fact that I want him but yet I want to be free. I guess the question in my head is the same as we all have. Is it possible for him to tear me down, call me names and treat me with complete disrespect and go on to treat another women non abusively. I guess that is me feeling like there is something about me that caused him to be abusive to me and I better woman would fix him. Sorry to ramble i am just having a rough day.
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