My story is very long and complicated but to make it short. I have been with this guy for 4 years. A year ago he beat me up pretty bad. I was ended up leaving for a week after but we ended up back together mostly becuase when I left he wouldn't let me take my yongest son with me ( I know he would never hurt him) but my family has no idea we have been together and i have been lying to all of them for a year. I want out of this realationship even though he has changed a lot I know that hes not compleatly changed and I just don't feel the same way. I have so many fears on what to do. My older son isnt his but he treats him like his own and since i met him when my son was so young it is the only father he knows. if i leave i fear that he will not treat him the same way to get back at me. Also my sons biological father wants to get back in his life but I know my current boyfriend would lose it if this happened, since he basically threatened him to stay away and based all the problems in our relationship around him. DCF is involved and they think i should leave but they want me to take both kids and go to a shelter, however i have a condo in middletown that my dad set up for me and he thinks that i am living there, but if i leave I dont want to just take both kids because i know this will piss him off more and I also feel bad becuase i know that he has made a huge effort to save the relationship and I feel really bad and hurt becuase he cries and everything when i leave. I want to leave tommorow and just take my younger son and move into the condo and then hopefully work something out in terms of having my younger son. I know that he will let me see my son whenever I want he just wont let me keep him over night. But I hope that with time that will change. While of course i want both my sons with me all the time but I could deal with seeing him daily if it would help my boyfriend not feel alone and hurt and violent. I Dont know what to do because He still says messed up things to me hinting that hes not really that changed and also, he is raciest or so he says. I am white and have dated other nationalities in the past but he told me that I am a N***** lover and should hang from a tree like them. He also told me in the past when we were being intimate that it made him sick to touch me becuase I have been with a black guy, but i recently went on his playstation 3 which you could access the internet from and he has been watching porn and 95% of it has black women in it. I dont understand this at all. There is so much more to the story too about how bad he has treated me and how controlling he was ( for 2 years I wasnt allowed to go to my moms house unless he came, now I can though) I just need some word of support to help me understand why i feel bad for him and help me get the strength to leave. Also if you are in a similar situation please contact me I really would love to talk to you.
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