My bf and I were having dinner and a couple glasses of wine one night. We were talking about how when I play sports I get an aggressive competitive look on my face. We were in my kitchen, and he was turned towards the counter. I made the face and he turned around to look at me and picked me up by my neck and one hand under my arm. He picked me up right off the floor, and he had an angry look in his eyes. He put me down after he realized what he did. He's a cop. He just was hired on 2 weeks prior and on probation. He went to work that night and came back the next day and I talked to him about it. He's said he talked to people at work and told his family and I was very upset with him. He told me that it was a reaction to pain b/c I had put my hand around his neck and he said it hurt him. I don't remember this. We didn't talk for 3 months. It has been now 8 months since it happened and we are finally talking again. I want to figure out what happened and if I am considering having him back in my life I'd expect him to find out why he did that. I feel as though if his explanation for what happened (a reaction to pain) I asked him if i accidently hurt him if he'd react that way. He said no. But he can also not guaruntee for that to not happen again. He feels that his answer is not good enough for me. I feel that he should go to counselling but he insists it does not help him b/c he's not that kind of person. He tells me all the power to me if it helps me, but it won't help him. He went to one hypnotherapist during those 3 months we didn't talk. Just one session he told me that the therapist told him he had everything figured out. He told me that she said not to hang out with me. My gut feeling to all of this tells me that he's lying. My gut feeling tells me why am I going back to him? The thing is I really do love him and want him back in my life, but am I just kidding myself. My gut is telling me one thing why am I so wanting to be with him. What if he does this again. He gets offended easily. He tells me I have no idea how I made him feel b/c after this insident I told him how scared he made me. He said I made him feel like a monster and the only way he got through this was to tell himself he wasn't a monster. He tells me he was victimized by me because I told him how I was scared of him b/c he had a gun. I moved away. He got mad b/c I told him my building had security. He got hurt and offended when I told him I didn't know who he was and he told me how he just didn't want hands. He's making it seem like he's the victim here now. It jsut seems like whenever I want to talk about this I am wasting his time. He doesn't talk to me about it he doesn't want to remember it. I think it's something we should talk about. He is now making me feel bad for the things I've said to him after we broke up for good. We spent 3 months dating other people. I told him the dates I had and who I had sexual relationships with and he is ommitting that information. He tells me how dO I expect him to remember those 3 months of his life that were hell pretty much. I know he fooled around with other people, and it's not that that bothers me, its the fact he is NOT telling me. THat is what is bothering me. Red flags to up here and he is hurtin gme again it seems. Am I just trying to hard on something that should be lost? I feel that I dont want to lose him but I want him to be honest with me. I don't want him to be violet towards me but I want to have a good relationship. He hurt me, i hurt hiim with my words afterwards. He is sayiing he is dealing with that now everyday. Maybe there is too much hurt. Can you help me. I need advice. I need to know. He's told his whole family about this. I have not.
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