Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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liar

deleted_user
deleted_user
I know this is a tactic of an abuser as I learned it at my womens aid seminar but I wondered if anyone else had this experience. My children are on the child protection register for emotional abuse because I asked for help when I was pregnant as to me my husband was trying to kill our baby by constantly being abusive by making me cry and knowing he was causing me pain by doing so.

He has acted up to these social workers and they see a very charming man. I have had a report today that says it is me who is causing emotional abuse to my children for what they call my emotional presentation. When he is with the baby he acts the caring father and falls over himself to show his loving caring side but that all changes when they have gone.

I have to give evidence to get a court order if he were to leave the house but if the authorities don't believe me then what chance do I stand in court. these men are such good liars. how do I show his real side to these people when he is such a good actor

thanks

June
deleted_user
deleted_user
u need to be patient,allthough they may seem so somtimes these men r not superhuman.they make mistakes.u have to be strong to wait for that to happen.u carry on being honest he will slip up!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know i have to be patient and play the game
deleted_user
deleted_user
playing the game can be tiering i know...i have bieng going through court apperances since november with my ex.fsssst.
Lululiga
Lululiga
That is so true...he will slip up, and you need to explain this public persona to them..whether they listen or not..you have to sit down with them, and expalin it..Its not like they haven't heard of it before..but maybe they need the facts of it, explained to them..and put right in their face..You've nothing to lose by doing it...The report must have been very upsetting, but remember, you know the truth..say it out loud....
queenvalerie
queenvalerie
Your best bet is to let Womens Aide do what they do best. Defend you. As long as your kids are already on the childrens protection register the courts are already aware that there is a problem. Get letters from your counselor, your therapist, your doctor. Document as much as you possibly can about what he is like when the court supervisors are not around him. Then keep your self together. That right there is the single hardest thing to do and I know it. But you need to keep up a strong face and brave front in front of your kids and at court. Your kids are scared because you are scared. That is what that letter meant. They don't see his emotional outbursts. They do see yours as they are reflected in your kids. When you need to scream and yell and carry on, just come on here. We have all heard it before and most of us have said it ourselves.

You don't need to show his real face to the courts. They will see it for themselves eventually.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sweetie, take it from me that queen is right. You can't show up in court and just say that he is abusing them. You will need some form of evidence. Your children should have a counselor and that counselor needs to be given permission to testify. You need a counselor as well who has permission to testify. If there is physical abuse suspected, pictures and doctors/ER reports will be required. When it gets into a he-said-she-said with nothing to support either side, the court usually decides on status quo (best case). If the children are old enough and/or emotionally stable enough to testify, that would be ideal, but that happening is more often the exception, rather than the rule, and they can be ready to spill everything but one look from dad across the room will give them fear that goes all the way to their toes.

Do what you have to do to protect your children, but DO NOT go into court without ammunition, because more than likely he will have his.
hockeymom5592
hockeymom5592
It has become a primary goal of mine anytime we meet with Family Relations, and w/ the co-parenting dr, to make sure that they see the real man, not the one my abuser wants them to see. So I go in and WORK at pushing HIS buttons so that he cannot control himself....It has worked well for me. I can play his game. Maybe you can play too, and help them to see him as he really is.
deleted_user
deleted_user
June,
What goes around comes around...it will catch up with him..
many hugs to you and you are in my prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, your "emotional presentation" shows that he's shaking you. I've been there countless times.
But I also gave this person superhuman attributes in my mind, because he doesn't show emotion, completely detached and confused when confronted by "neutral" parties.
The bottom line is that you've got to outlast him, however awful that is. He'll show something eventually.
I just hate this stereotypical situation and that's all it is. Go with the women's advocate and they'll boost you.
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