i have a lil boy (15 months) his father was abusive...but i guess i was abusive too, before i met him my stepmom had hit me a couple tiems or put marks on me whatever u wanna call it, so we would argue (my ex n i) and ir emember i would hit him on the arm or leg (very wrong) it wasnt hard and it wasnt to hurt him (sounds crazy) but it was out of frustration...ok im gonna stop justifying it. most of the time he would hit me and i never touched him i guess i provoked him by my words of choice...i can be mean in a arguement (i kno thats not right)...but now that im out of the 3 year abusive relationship im dealing with all these issues...im confused all the time, i cant concentrate, i have anger, my emotions are constantly up n down, i get frustrated with my son easily ( i looooove him to death!!! ) and i hate myself for it all. i still miss my ex, so bad...for example so yall can i guess see why i say i have been in a abusive relationship, i was driving and we were fighting about something STUPID and out of no where he hits me int he ear and my ehad hits the driver door window, one time he threw me when i was 4 months pregnant, he kicked a huge dent in my car, he slapped me super hard in the face cuz i snapped my sons lil onsie in his face and supposedly the zipper hit him and it hurt...well he hit me so hard it busted my lips and the next day i had to attend his grandmas funeral and lie about why my lips were busted...his mother told me "just dont say or do anything that will make him want to hit you"...FUCKIN CRZY i swear id like to slap that dumb bhitch...but i really like her at the same time..or do i?>?????? i feel like no one will want me..he use to tell met hat no one will want me but him...i hate feeling this way im so young and look at me, im a fuckin mess. but let me tell you all readin this...i kno my situation coulda been worse and there are many woman that never made it out alive...and for that im so sorry!
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