
Phobia Support Group
A phobia (from the Greek "fear"), is a strong, persistent fear of situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. When the fear is beyond one's control, or if the fear is interfering with daily life, then a diagnosis under one of the anxiety disorders can be made.

enfieldguy
afraid of doing things for themselves? I know this sounds odd but it's a real fear I have. I have played "the victim" role all my life since my mom committed suicide when I was 15. I played helpless so my father would take pity on me so I wouldn't get in trouble and I've played helpless in my marriage allowing my wife to be the caretaker, etc. while I just didn't participate.
So ever since she's told me she's leaving I have been frozen with fear. I have refused to allow myself to hang out with friends, do things I enjoy and have just focused completely on making the changes I feel my wife deems neccessary. This hasn't worked because she knows I'm not changing for me, I'm changing for her.
Now that she's leaving, I am scared to death to do things for myself. I fear that if I shed my "victim" role there will be nothing behind it and I will die.
Anyone?
So ever since she's told me she's leaving I have been frozen with fear. I have refused to allow myself to hang out with friends, do things I enjoy and have just focused completely on making the changes I feel my wife deems neccessary. This hasn't worked because she knows I'm not changing for me, I'm changing for her.
Now that she's leaving, I am scared to death to do things for myself. I fear that if I shed my "victim" role there will be nothing behind it and I will die.
Anyone?

deleted_user
Yes, I have also got seperation anxiety, a fear of being left alone. I suffered this first of all when I was 7 years of age. I did not realise back then what was the matter with me. The doctors told my parents, it was because when I was a child my mother was rushed into hospital and no-one told me where she had gone. My mother was gone for what seemed ages, then my father got seriously ill, and again he was taken off into hospital for several weeks and this made everything worse for me. As an adult I was very reliant on my mother, sadly she passed away 14 years ago. At the time I never thought I would be able to cope without her, luckily for me I did. Nowadays, I think I am dependent on my partner. Again with a lurking fear of being on my own. It is so dibilitating feeling like this. As an adult everyone expects you to be able to cope on your own. I think I also lack confidence that I cannot do things on my own. I get told that I am far braver than I realise. A lot has to do with the people around me through my life, I have never been told you are a good person, just been told how much of a failiure I am. A bad marriage did not help me with my first husband, who beat the confidence out of me. I do understand you and please don't feel bad about it, I am sure most adults have some sort of fear about being alone, it is just it never rules their life like it does with ours.

enfieldguy
Thanks for your reply. Are you living with your partner? Living alone to me is so foreign that it will be awfully quiet and spooky.

deleted_user
The only time I had a problem with doing things for myself was right after my father died in Jan. I was always very close to him and he was my world, although I took care of him for the last 2 years of his life, when he died, i was completely useless, I wouldnt even get on the computer and that's where i am most of time. I would lay on the sofa and stare at the tv and not even be albe to tell you what was on. I am starting to get back to doing this but being agoraphobic it is hard to do, i don't even like leaving my bedroom unless i have to. Then I was feeling better but started reverting when my fiance got deployed overseas. I don't know how to help it, but if i can figure it out i will gladly let you know.

deleted_user
Yes, I am living with my partner. He knows that I am reliant on him, I do not think it is healthy this sort of dependency, but I cannot help it. I am not at all well either, and I have to rely on him more and more, he does not mind, but this just adds to my dependency. I am also Agoraphobic, I have been like this on and off since my first bad marriage, that man completely tore my confidence apart, when I was expecting my son, he beat me so badly. It did not help my self worth one bit. Now I am with my partner, he is totally different.
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