I deal with anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia daily, 5 or so years now, usually I just accept it and try to make the best of it, I probably bury my anger and sadness due to my lack of living a quality life, the loss I've suffered from it (college, work, social life) but I manage to truck through it, thinking im happy...i rarely get upset or angry about everything, but for the past week, since I joined daily strength, something in me has changed, im really angry, im upset, something is really bothering me, I think I know what it is but I am not 100%...probably 99%....I feel like Im on the verge of tears nonstop, I am pissed off, I feel like the gravity of my situation is finally hitting me, I feel that all the burying of my feelings are surfacing and I have many feelings, mostly anger and sadness....I have always known I hate anxiety, it has ruined my life, I was a full time college student studying my life long dream of being a meteorologist and geologist, I lost that to anxiety and agoraphobia, I had a great job that I loved to go to (atlantic city casino, had a ton of friends at work that I really enjoyed their company) lost that to anxiety and agoraphobia....I used to be the guy that would call a few friends and say, hey lets take a ride up to new york city or down to baltimore, beings im from the philadelphia area, they are both an hour north and south of me, I used to be on the go all of the time, I liked going places and just looking at things, go to philadelphia and walk the historic area, walk the water front, walk center city, just simple things that made my life complete, I don't do any of that now, I can't leave a mile or more from my house, I have agoraphobia and anxiety and panic disorder and I just hate everything about it, I feel so alone, I feel like Im never going to beat it, I'll never live the quaility of life I did in the past, I've lost 5 years of my life now, my mid to late 20's...the best times of my life and they are now gone and I can't get it back, I just feel so upset, so lost, I feel like giving up, I now I can't...giving up is not an option but everything is so overwhelming anymore, I am moody lately, probably me just being upset, im not a moody guy, Im not a bad person, I feel like it though, I bark out at people for no reason and that isn't like me, I don't know if it is a good thing to tap into the feelings I have buried so long but tapping into it causes great mental pain for me, Im afraid to expose myself to the reality of my anxiety, maybe that is what I need to do to take that next step to getting myself better, I don't want to live this way anymore, I want my life back, but right now, I feel depressed, mad and I want my life back more than anything...I am tired of losing out because of anxiety...It isn't fair.....
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