The 26th March 2008 our two dogs, 1 that we raised from birth were shot.They went wandering for the first time and were sighted at a paddock where a sheep was found.I donot condone that type of behaviour and yet i feel like ive lost my sense of security.Our dogs names were Muppy and Pockey,my daughter and Muppy slept together since he was 2 months old and I chose to keep Pockey since he was born because i have never owned a dog that was fully mine.I collected my Pockeys body 2days ago and sat there holding my boy and just absolutely bawled.I miss him so much,he would of been 3 today and Muppy would turn 5 on October the 8th.Everytime i came home Pockey and Muppy would be there staring straight at me through our lounge sliding doors,I taught Pock how to saw Oh Mama,i said that to him every day and every night.I had total control over him and i rewarded him back with love,discipline and trust.My daughter is so broken over Muppy she just found out yesterday as she was on holiday with an aunt,they were impounded the night they went away.We donot understand how they got out of our property because it is very secure,fully fenced.Pockey has never ever roamed and Muppy went walkabout so many times to the point where the animal control knew him by name and always rang us to tell us to go pick him up at such n such street.Theyve handled him and say to this day that we are some of the most responsible owners that they have ever met.Im so lost,i cannot sleep here at night as my husband works 7pm - 7am.My daughter talked about them non stop when we went to pick her and her sister up from the bustop.Gosh it was so hurtful hearing her tell us that she cant wait to go to her Muppy and Pockey boy.Once we got her inside the house we told her (shes 8yrs old) to sit down and let us talk about something very important but she insisted that she go see her dogs and then we could talk.She always climbs on the arm of our seat to open up the deadlock on our sliding doors.Thats exactly what she was doing while we were trying to tell her to pay attention we have some bad news for her.Once we told her and her sister that our dogs were put to sleep she just backed into the corner asking us to stop talking out of our mouths like that,stop saying that.We just picked her up and she was lashing so we let her - we couldnt tell her to stop the way she was feeling.Last night was rough,i spent the night cradling her and falling asleep cos she kept waking up crying out their names.All i can see is myself on my hands and knees kissing my Pockey and crying and saying sorry.It plays over in my head non stop.I had it rough at work today,i so didnt want to be there and i felt distant but i had to face the customers (i work in a local resturant/diner and front the customers all day).My work boss and co workers didnt even seem to understand the hurt i was feeling even though i have told them over and over.I cannot afford to not go to work.To them,theyre just dogs.To us they were our safety,our animals,our liveliness,our responsibility,our committment but most of all...our FAMILY.Our best friends whom we always no matter when where...they were always there for us ALWAYS.And now...we feel empty.As silly as it may seem,we feel like we have lost our children and our daughter both feel theyve lost their brothers.Im sick of the thoughts and the emptiness and the feeling of hating this empty unlively home.Its still our home but it will never EVER feel the same EVER.I dont want to leave the house because i feel i am leaving my dog,my boy my Pockey alone.Muppy was buried with his sister and we chose not to bring him home because it would affect our daughter too much,this proved right because she felt better he was with his sister and Pockey was still 'Here' to look after us.I miss the feeling of my dogs paws when i used to rub them every day while i sit there with my cigarette and talk to them about my day at work,that was our ritual.I can still go on about everything as we will when weve lost loved ones.I am not to the point of depression or suicide.I am just doing my best to deal with the hurt and emptyness and every where i look or go i see them being walked by us or our daughters.I see the shop owners coming out to pat them and talk to us about our well behaved animals.THey were staffy X lab and pitbull.They looked more pitbull but with white chests.Our suburb knew their names.The school knew who they were.We researched their backgrounds and everything before we got Muppy,our daughter was their alpha.THeyd even sit there for her when she painted their nails and put makeup on their eyes (much to her fathers dismay).Im sitting here typing while i look out at our yard and know that just around the corner right in the middle of our yard under the Doggy-book reading story tree-lies my Pockey.My baby boy.I can still see myself lying with him stroking his ear and his paw like i always did.Im so sorry my Pockey,mama loves you my Pock Pock.I kept kissing his nose through the body bag with my silk nitegown wrapped around it.I kept saying what have we done.Why? I love you my boy.My darling let me sit there for what seemed forever to mourn over my boy,not interfereing,when it come to laying his body in the grave it was the hardest thing i ever experienced in my 32years of my life.I kept moving the dirt away to see the shape of his head,where his nose was,i even felt like i had to make him a pillow of dirt to support his head,i can still see us together.Me talking to him because im throwing a wobbly at the household and him pawing me as if to say its alrite mama.Then hed play and my anger would all go away and id go inside as if nothing happened.The family looking at me as if to say "thank god shes smiling-good boy Pock". My poor boys.Rest In Peace our boys.
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