I had to unexpectedly put down my 10 year old border collie yesterday. I had Angel and her sister,Cali out for a walk 2 days ago in the morning and Angel was fine, no signs of anything wrong. We were home for an hour when all of a sudden she stood up, vomited, and fell over. She couldn't walk or eat anything all day. I tried to get the emrgency vet to see her, but because I don't have a credit card, my paycheck hadn't cleared noone would see her Thanksgiving day at the emergency clinics. The kids and I tried to keep her comfortable all Thanksgiving day, but when I left for work yesterday, she was no better. My son took her to her regular vet and I authorized an echocardiogram for her. It showed a tumor in her heart that had torn her heart muscle. There was no choice, her heart was bleeding.. by that time, she was depressed, lethargic, groaning in pain, not eating and her breathing was labored. I couldn't watch her like that, so I had them sedate her and then euthanise her. I held her in my arms the whole time and she laid her head on my shoulder, while I sang to her and petted her. I felt her life slip away under my hands. I am now having such a hard time even looking at her sister Cali, and she keeps looking for Angel. Cali is more the family dog, and Angel was MY dog. They are truely sisters as they are from the same litter. Cali beat cancer earlier this year too. My emotions are so raw right now. I feel so numb, and then I burst out crying again. How do I not shut out Cali at this time? It hurts so much to be with her, but she needs me right now too. I don't feel guilty about putting Angel down, bacause she was in pain and I truly beleive I'll see her again in heaven, but I do feel guilty about having such a hard time even touching Cali. How do I help both me and Cali cope with this?
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