This is my first entry, which I am pushing myself to write. I had major surgery in August, a triple-fusion of my foot/ankle, and got addicted to pain killers. I bought Methadone from a friend to detox myself because no doctor would help me and I am phobic of hospitals, especially psych wards. I've been in way too many and I end up decompensating and my anger gets out of control. I have a cat, named Peewee, who has and does keep me alive one more day.

I'm going for my fourth time to a new DBT practice, which is in Suffolk County, NY. My caseworker had told my father and me that his organization would pay for the therapy, as it is expensive, but then turned around and his organization said they didn't believe a word that I said. My anger got really out of control and I left him very nasty voice mails because he failed to call me back.

I have no one to help me bathe or wash my hair, shop for me or do my laundry. I've become so lonely and desperate that I have been having suicidal thoughts. I need feed-back and support from this community, just to keep myself alive for one more day, each day.