It definitely is NOT your fault. I have a big trust issue with men -- it doesn't mean I want to switch my sexual orientation, though. Men have so much baggage, unless taught as young boys and teenagers the value of communication and opening up, instead of acting macho and growing an ulcer inside. Your guy seems to have real commitment issues, or is afraid. If we all could just live for today, no one would be projecting five years down the pike and there would be nothing to be afraid of. You did nothing wrong. He was at first attracted to you and who knows what got his brain in a negative state of mind. My late fiance was my best friend. I like men who are able to show their feminine side and still feel like a man. That attracts me in a big way. Blow him away - he's not worth your self-esteem. After my fiance passed away, I knew that I didn't want to be with anyone else. It was so heart-wrenching and I missed him so badly. I still miss him, but I don't cry like I use to and I think of the fond memories which no one can take from me. Three years later I feel that I want to be in love again, but first comes the work on self. Then YOU can choose and dismiss at your whim. I'm lucky that we adopted a kitten two months before he died, because this cat is like my furry child. He always sleeps with me, so I don't feel alone and follows me from room to room. Now that's someone who doesn't have issues about having a relationship! I hope I helped - I'm just going on my own experience. Piperp3

I had a principal that I idealized. I even lost my job because of it. They say that we BPD either put the person we idealize in a dungeon or put ourselves in the dungeon when things go wrong. With my boss I put myself in the dungeon. It has almost been a year and I am just getting over it. I know it is hard not to try to figure it out, but that is what you may need to do. Someone on this site gave me the best advice. Give attention and love to the person or persons who are giving it to you. It took me a while to do this, easier said than done. I am now giving loads of attention to my two sons and my husband. I enjoy getting the love back. I realized I had idealized my boss because he was the first person to really stand up for me two years ago on the job. I stopped idealizing him because I realized he stopped supporting me. He was no longer someone who deserved my love and attention. During this year of finally realizing this I transfered this idealization to my cousin who is amazing. He told me he would always be there for me etc. He suddenly cut me off. I was able to bounce back from him a little quicker. I saw a movie last month were a woman was "idealizing" a man. I got to see it from the other person's eyes. I am always very interested, and helpful to the person I idealize. I pop up unannounced with gifts and happy stories. I didn't realize this could really smuther the person until I saw the movie. I don't know if this helps any because our stories are very different, but basically try not to worry about someone who is not giving you the love and attention that we all deserve! Try, I know it is hard, to not worry about figuring this dude out. He may have been great at some point, but things have changed. We all have our issues we are trying to work through. Realize it wasn't you and find people who will give you the attention you deserve. If all else fails, put him in the dungeon realizing he wasn't capable of giving you the continued support that you need!! I put my cousin in the dungeon and now he is interested in why I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want anything to do with him. I don't need a fair weather friend. Who wrote that song-Owner of the lonely heart, much better than owner of the broken heart? It is true.

My ex recently did the same thing. For two years I was the most important thing in his life. And then after one arguement he completely devalued and insulted me, physically attacked me and left. I couldnt understand it. I have to understand that it is part of his illness, his BPD, nothing to do with me. I have learned to beware of anyone who places me on a pedestal, eventually they would enjoy seeing me fall. That may be overly harsh but its simply how I feel based upon what I have experienced.