I cannot keep this mask on forever. I guess this has been going on far too long. People don't know the truth about me. People see me as a saint. I am kind to people, I heal their wounded souls. Lots of people look up to me. But no one knows the truth behind the mask. People don't see what hatred and fear is behind the mask. I can only go so far before I collapse. Can fear cloud the judgment between right and wrong? I cannot pretend I am someone I am not. I have done a lifetime of wickedness in just this life alone. I cannot continue without endangering my life and the feelings of the ones I love. Now the question again;
Does the need of the many out weigh the need of the few? (Or the one)
OR
Does the need of the one out weigh the need of the many?
In other words, is it better to tell the ones that look up to you and live with there reaction, or to keep this mask on and to keep my life a secret even though I am about to collapse. With the knowledge of that they cannot help you.
I am living two lives, one is about to fail, and the one is about to be seen. I have lived a life where a lot of people know me as a quiet, nice person, but the side they have never seen is full of rage and hatred toward itself. Is it better for a person to be lost in time rather the family living with the consequence and feeling of grief along with a lot of people for one person? Either way, someone is going to be hurt. I dont want the wrong people to suffer of what I am.