Perhaps you should investigate Co Dependency, there is a book called CO DEPENDENT no more by Melodie Beattie. Perhaps you can evaluate and answer for yourself. I am NO expert, but from what I understand, persons with BPD tend to idolize then devalue people. Hot or cold. White or black. Do some reading and perhaps investigating will shed some light. Good luck.

It may be... I can totally relate to what you are saying..

Thanks for the book suggestion, I'll check it out. I am big into idolizing other people, it is just weird when it happens to me. I have always had relations where the guy would do anything in the world to please me and then end it. I have been waiting almost 13 years for my husband to realize he can do better, but he is still around at the moment. I am still afraid to relax though because it could be just around the corner.

I had a friend who is borderline and she did that kind of stuff all the time...with her, it was like she was trying to "buy" you into staying around. I felt like she figured out what I liked and always tried to give me that kind of thing to keep me around...if that makes sense. The book sounds good.

Interesting point. I do not know if I have BPD which I suspect I do, but I have been known to do the same thing. Just one added thing, I EXPECT back too. And if I don't get back what I give or worse, if I am backstabbed by someone who I had bent over backwards helping, allll hell breaks loose and they are on my shit list forever!!!

I guess the buying of affection plays into the chameleon thing we do, where we become who is around us. I had never looked at it that way.
I guess I am not only trying to please a person by being what I think they want, but also buying what I think they want. I'll do anything to avoid the dreaded abandonment!!!

I forgot to say that these actions always lead to the abandonment. People get tired of the carbon copy of themselves after a while even if they are getting nice gifts.

my very closest friend is bi-polar and has an absolute gift for friendship but I do have to keep her at arms length otherwise she would overwhelm me - I think bi-polar people have intense feelings so go to extremes in things anyway, even if they are doing well with medication - I have had real problems over the years and feel now, at a rather late age *sigh* I am just about starting to stand up on my own feet, as myself, and being rather more choosy about friends and helping people, but I dont know what disorder this was that I was suffering from...lol.......nor what disorder I am suffering from now as I am sure I have a disorder of some kind..lol
take care! - not meaning to be flippant....it IS a problem and a real one - all rests on self esteem maybe?

I don't think I am bi-polar, because I don't have any ups. I'm just down-down. That was interesting about what you said about keeping your friend at an arms length. I wish I could figure out what my deal is that causes that. I run people away like the plague. I would be open for suggestions. I do overwhelm people with attention and gifts. I guess that is apart of it. All I know is that my heart is true and no one is true to me except for my husband. I think he must have some sort of disorder himself that keeps him tied to me. I also wish I knew what that was so I can make sure it continues.
Here are some things about me to consider:
I don't ask anything from anyone but love. As I said probably too intense for most. I am offended by gossip, because it has hurt me in the past. I really think this make it difficult for me to fit in. My mother is a big gossip and has loads of "friends" because she is able to join in with people. People say they like that I am true, but I guess I am also boring. I never have any good news to share. I use to be a horrible person. Depending on my beauty, snobbish, materialistic, social climber, back then people wanted to be around me. Then I turned into a party girl with guys always around. My "friends" liked that their were always spares. Now I'm married with children. I am faithful to my husband. I am not straight enough to hang with the people some call "Bible thumpers", but I am too straight to be a party girl. I am an open minded preachers wife in the south. God will send someone my way soon. I just want to be prepared so I don't scare them away.
I haven't heard from the guy I gave 500 dollars for clothes and a butt load of expensive furniture that we had extra. I think people discovered someone cared about him and he isn't lonely anymore. He had also told me in a weird way that he loved me. I didn't respond, so I guess he is keeping his distance for that reason also. I am glad he is keeping his distance, but I also feel a little used.

hello Tobi - well, I dont know what to say really. She DOES flood me with kindness, though not 'things' usually - it is the intensity of the relationship really - and her jealousy of other people in my life, though this did not extend to my husband who she loved because he was part of me. I know I can tell her ANYTHING and she will always be there for me, she has this rare gift of friendship. It is just that I can feel smothered and have been glad of the excuse of my work and care for my mother which has made us unable to meet too often. We meet up every six weeks regularly for an evning meal and talk in between perhaps a couple of times as well on the telephone. It is the intensity of emotion Is think that makes me anxious. And yet this is what makes her so special too. Jealous is too strong a word, possessive perhaps is better, if someone else is around for some reason or we meet someone she can be quite rude and just ignore them! Do you think you are like this at all? this intensity? Do you think you could just hold back from the friendship a little with some new friend, but still be warm and loving as well? it is a difficult one...really is....such good luck to you....Cathrynn X

Thanks for your comments, I found them useful! I also smother with attention. With the latest friend, I gave him lots of expensive gifts. With the friend before I just overwhelmed him with my presence. People have always been attracted to my "You can tell me anything & I'll always be there for you". I think I do understand how I can be there for my next friend with out being so intense. I must admit I will still be the "You can tell me anything person" but "The I'll always be there when you need me" is getting old because I'm not receiving it back. That doesn't mean that I won't be around for anyone in need, I'm just not going to over do it!! Thanks again, as hard as it was to hear, you really helped me see the other side.

Well, she has a gift for friendship that many dont have, Tobi - and I value that so much, more as the years have gone by...........glad to be helpful..*smiling*...I come in here to allow me to learn more about my friend, it helps me too....XX