ive been upset lately, to the point that i don't really want to be alive anymore. last night i was talking to my best friend about things, and his phone died. but even now i'm convinced that he hung up on me and turned it off. . . even though i dont know what would have made him do that. i tried calling him today, but he's ignoring my calls. he got online and told me that he didn't feel like talking to anyone today. i freaked out and told him that he doesn't even care about me and he never makes an effort to be friends and that i really needed a friend bc i want to die. he said i was being mean and then he stopped talking to me, but he sent me some stupid email about how he's sorry and he'll call me later on. but it's stupid bc i don't HAVE til later on. i need someone now, and he's the only friend i can talk to about any of this and i hate that. i'm so mad at him right now. i know i probably shouldn't be and that i probably wont be in a few minutes or an hour or something, but right now i just feel like i hate him. and i hate it because i KNOW this is because of bpd and that's ridiculous. i feel like a little kid.
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