I am BPD. I have always believed in a spectrum. On one side you have gay people on one side you have straight people and then some of us fall somewhere in the middle. I have never been involved with someone of the same sex. I sometimes think women are cute or even hot, but I don't want them sexually. I have been married to my husband for almost 13 years, he's the one for me. I think if I would not have found him, there might have been a chance that I could find a deep friendship with a woman. I don't know about the sex. I guess if I loved the woman the desire for sex might come. I guess I am just on the straighter side of the spectrum. To each their own though. This world is heck-I'm happy for anyone who can find someone to share it with.

Yep. I've been a sexually disoriented mess all my life. First I thought I was straight, but finally realized I was ignoring certain constant thoughts, then I came out to close friends as being bi because I had experiences with both sexes, but then I was gay, and then maybe bi, and a lot of feeling of being pretty nonsexual, though I sometimes wonder if that's just my fear of rejection...better to not be anything than to be something no one likes? ...I don't know.

Well, I'm just glad to hear I'm not the only one. I mean, I hate this for you because I know it sucks, but it's nice to know I'm not insane. Hell, I dunno what I am.

i'm right there with jackmac.

in college i pursued my roommate who was bi (but insane- BD- would sleep for days and then bonk her boyfriend for days after that and still get better grades than me) and we had a huge encounter but kind of ignored it after that. Then I fell in love with another girl but she just used me for the attention I gave her. Mostly I've dated guys but for the most part I find them to be blathering idiots- charming at times, but generally gross (no offense boys). I treat them like brothers. But I'll do one if the mood strikes me and I usually have to be drunk. I want desperately to be with a girl and I think I idealize it too much; like if it happened I think I'd be freaked out. For the most part I'm asexual but I give off huge sexual vibes. I dunno I'm with you- confused... :-P

was diagnosed with A personality disorder but have yet to find a legit psychiatrist...

uncertainty about sexual orientation is a red flag for BPD, though.

I'd say the only way for us to find out is to JUST DO IT, to steal Nike's stupid slogan. go for it chica you'll never know and there's no use losing sleep ;-)

and smile :-) cuz life's retarded and i bet you'd be even more beautiful

you remind me of a da vinci muse

don't mind me

I don't know about diagnoses, though I've looked through all of the disorders (just to make sure), and BPD fits so perfectly well...its just that I don't have any confidence to trust my own diagnosis, but that's kinda BPD of me ;)

Most BPDs are hopeless romantics, and I fall into that category. I'm not as gutterminded as most people I know. Last night someone mentioned food in a package, and I said "I eat packages." They started laughing really hard and I realized how that must have sounded coming from a gay guy, so I said, "I was thinking UPS..."

But when I think of having a relationship, I think of a serious monogamous committment, and that's a very BPD trait. I've never really been able to watch guys (or girls) and say "I'd do him" or "I'd bang her" unless it was a blatant joke regarding the fact that I'd never be that kind of person.

We're uncertain about sexuality because we're uncertain about just about everything. We could be wrong, it may be a terrible decision. I thought I was this but it turned out I was the complete opposite...oh, wait, no I was this all along...or maybe...I DON'T FREAKING KNOW, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

So that's my personal insight on BPD relationships. I don't know if others here would agree with me, but that's what I think.

I think of a relationship as a hard-core committment too, but not to the point where one loses one's identity to the whole. I think I was in danger of doing so in the relationship I just got out of.

and i agree about the hopeless romantic thing too. i may say "i'd do him/her" but like I said if it came down to it i'd blush and renig.

my advice is to just maybe recognize the feelings you have, let them flow through you; don't embrace or reject them. they'll pass on their own and if they don't maybe you should explore them, but only if you're a lone ranger. if you're attached you could defintely hurt the person you're with- believe me. and that will lead to all sorts of feelings of emptiness and worthlessness :-P

i like to step back sometimes when i'm being hard on myself and just remind myself that life is just way too short to be poring over such trivialties; just live! what happens happens and if you make a mistake, LEARN FROM IT. i learned the HARD way...

I have major problems with identity too. All of a sudden I had to be 'the anorexic' and now it's 'the bulimic' and no one knows that I have bulimia, but that's not what matters, I just have to know for myself that I am somebody so that I can assure myself that I even exist.

What I am saying is that maybe you are just trying to assure yourself that you 'exist' So maybe instead of using sexual orientation you could try art, theatre, dance, sports, being a good sibling, writing, making A's in school, etc. Just a positive identity that will make you feel good about who you are and not confused about yourself.

I hope that made sense, haha. Sorry if that was all nonsense.

I relate to this. I have felt from the age of 18 that i was a lesbian and I have had numerous relationships...some sex addiction involved though I think. Now though, I am wondering if I am straight as I think about men quite a lot, but I'm scared to admit to that as my family made such a big deal out of me being lesbian.
Tell me, JilL, do you have low self esteem? I am taking it you do. That will also contribute greatly to confused self image...I think so anyway..I'm wondering if I am BPD cos yeah I think that and identity issues are interlinked.
If you ever want to talk more about this feel free to message me, cos I relate quite a lot to what you wrote. :)

Thanks all. Yeah, I have a horribly low self esteem, which also comes along with BPD. I am of the belief that I am so ugly, no one will ever actually want to be with me, so even though I have these identity issues, it isn't like I believe I will ever be able to test them. I see myself being all alone until I die, and even if someone does take interest in me, I am so damn backwards about everything that it would likely scare the shit out of me. Is that insane? I think so.

I was married...yes, married. We were together for a little over three years when he left, and then, our divorce became final back in February. It was hell being married, and hell being left and divorced. While we were married, I never felt that he loved me or gave me the affection and attention I needed to be content. He wasn't a very affectionate person, I guess, but before we married, I never would have guessed it. We fought all the time, usually over him seeming to love the television more than me. Once he finally left, I felt it just proved that I had become someone unloveable. I mean, once he loved me, but then, shit happened and he didn't love me enough to help me work on our issues. I wasn't that important, obviously. I was rejected, and as a borderline, it's one of our worst fears. I practically begged him to go to counseling with me, and I really tried to talk to him daily to see how his day had been and so forth, but it wasn't enough...I wasn't enough, and he wasn't enough. We were doomed from the very start, I now know. But still, I feel rejected and that I am someone unloveable, and those are miserable feelings to have.

Anyway, I dunno. Maybe things can change, but I don't seem much hope when I try to look ahead to the future. For the most part, I avoid looking ahead because it's so damn depressing. I try to focus on this very momemnt...the here and now. It's the best I can do at this point.

I think that it is very natural, to just be curious about the same sex. I honestly do not see anything wrong with it.

I think the terms gay and strait will one day be obsolete. I think anyone can love anyone. If you are open to it and raised to believe that people are people, it matters much less than you think.
I have been married (in a strait relationship) for over 20 years. I have also had relationships along the way with women, some of whom my husband has also slept with... I know it sounds strange, but it really wasn't at the time. It felt normal and sweet and I am still friends with the woman who my husband and I had a relationship with for a year.
People are people.
They are all lovable.
Physical love can be shared in a lot of ways.
I wouldn't worry about it or obsess over it, just let yourself love and follow your heart.

thanks so much! i think i will actually try that.