I miss my mom. I had a dream a week ago that still is haunting me. I was at a social event with old highschool classmates. It was a event where you bring your family. I was thinking I wish my mom could be here. Then she walked in and I knew that she was alive. That her suicide was some hoax and that she was alive. I was torn between being mad at her for doing that and then happy to see her because I am 10 weeks pregnant. Then I woke up crying and this was all a dream. A terrible dream. Today is a hard day emotionally for me. Of course my hormones are going crazy, but I miss her. I want to tell her about our baby. I can't stop crying. I just want my mom back. Even after 3 years this is the pain that I feel after my BPD mom committed suicide. It hurts soo bad. I wish my dream was real, I wish she this was just another game she played. I wish this was another thing she lied about. I wish wishing did something. I wish I had a mom.
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