i am constantly feeling like i will just burst because i have so many strong emotions. i can't believe i'm not dead yet, i really can't. i loathe myself so much and i hate reality. i daydream and have an extensive and detailed life inside my head where i am beautiful, thin, independent (for once) and have someone that loves me (romantically...usually it is an older much man, and that's not acceptable in real life, so in love i'm kinda screwed...). the thing is is that i want it to be real, not just in my head. and i always set situations up in my head in the future, so it always feels as if they could be real. but then they don't come true, and that is what depresses me the most. i hate life in the real world, i don't belong here. i want the magic of my daydreams to be real and tangible, but it will never happen...how can i deal with this when it hurts so, so bad?
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