Hi Judy

I am a 26 yr old female who has been suffering with this disorder as long as I can remember. I want to welcome you to the community. I hope you find the resources and support you have been searching for. I would love to offer you advice but I am afraid I do not have enough information. Such as your daughter\'s specific behaviours. Like what have you noticed \"TRIGGERS\" your daughter\'s erratic behaviour? There is a couple of books I recommend. The 1st is \"Stop Walking on Eggshells\" by Paul T. Mason/ Randi Kreger. This book has been a godsend for my boyfriend. It gives him tools on how to protect himself and ways for him to understand and help me through my difficult periods. The next is \"Borderline Personality Disorder: Demystified\" by Robert O. Friedel. This is my godsend. But my bf likes it because it is more updated and has a bit more scientific facts(he is an engineer so he related more to it)that allowed him to finally understand that I DO NOT CHOOSE to be this way. I have LEARNED to be this way. And that I won\'t stop being this way until I understand myself and what caused me to begin to learn these coping and defense mechanisms at a young age. The last book is going to be a hard read. Especially if your daughter is going through treatment. I recommend that she too read this book. It is the story of a young woman who was diagnosed with BPD and her recovery from the disorder. It is true and very intense. Please don\'t let that deter you from buying it. If you think it\'s hard for you to read, imagine the hell it is for your daughter to actually be living it. The book is called\"Get me out of Here\" by Rachel Reiland. I bought this book when I feared being sent to a hospital when I was having a major breakdown after my engagement ended. I don\'t read too much anymore. I now am aware of what I have and have done more research than I know what to do with the info I have gathered. It\'s out there. If you log on to BPDcentral.com, you will find numerous links and threads where you may post your concerns. This thread I speak of is ONLY FOR YOU. Not your daughter, just you. A place where you can talk as freely and as emotionally as you need to so that you get the support you need to help yourself and your daughter. I hope this helps. If you want to let me know a little more( like a specific scenario)I may be able to figure out where she is coming from, just through my own expierences. If you would like. No pressure. Take care and good luck.

Juls
_________
\"The only thing that we know about the future is that it will be different.\"

hi there i am a mother of 4 children and one step child i was diagnosed with bpd 5 months ago and i am now on a 18 month treatment corse.Have you hurd of it? i am 32 yaers old and thankfully i no what is wrong with me as i thort i was going mad. i no there is help you need to go to your gp and they will find the help you need ty hope to speak to you soon

A good book to read is "I hate you - Don't leave me" (it's all over the internet if you google it).
The bpd person needs: SET
SUPPORT
EMPATHY
TRUTH

Support
Support refers to an initial statement which indicates the loved one supports the person with borderline personality. It is a statement that begins with "I" and demonstrates concern and a desire to help. It can be anything that establishes a foundation for the relationship or interaction: "I want to try to help you feel better," "I care about you," or "I am worried about how you are feeling."

The support statement is meant to reassure the BP that the relationship is a safe one, and that her needs matter even during this difficult moment.

Empathy
Empathy refers to communicating that the loved one understands what the BP is feeling, and focuses on "you." It is not a conveyance of pity or sympathy, but instead a true awareness and validation of the feelings of the BP: "I see you are angry, and I understand how you can get mad at me," "How frustrating this must be for you."


It is important not to tell the BP how she is feeling, but instead put her demonstrated feelings into words. The goal is to convey a clear understanding of the uncomfortable feelings she is having and that they are OK to have, thus validating her feelings. Without such a statement of empathy, the BP may feel that her feelings are not understood. It is important to use feeling words, as in the examples above.

Truth
Truth refers to a realistic and honest assessment of the situation and the BPs role in solving the problem. It is an objective statement that focuses on the "it" -- not on the subjective experience of the BP or Non-BP. Often the BP may seem to be asking, or demanding, something impossible, not taking an active role or responsibility in resolving the issue, or even presenting you with a "no-win" situation. The truth statement is meant to clearly and honestly respond to the difficult demand or behavior of the BP, while placing responsibility appropriately: "This is what I can do," "This is what will happen," "Remember when this happened before and how you felt so bad about it later."

It is important to use the support and empathy statements first, so that the BP is better able to hearwhat you are saying, otherwise the truth statement may be experienced as little more than another, and expected, rejection creating even more defensiveness or anger.

http://bpd.about.com/od/forfriendsandfamily/a/SET.htm

Check out dialectical behavioral therapy. It is supposed to be the cat's pajamas. Haven't done it myself.