when i was about 6, after/durring my first community play, i started obsessing about women in the shows i was in. i would get them to care for me, help me with my makeup, help me into costume and i would give them lots of hugs. i turned 18 recently. thank goodness i was in a play that day because the idea of being an "independent adult" would have drove me to something very bad. anyways, in that show no one really took care of me, and i hated that. i did start obsessively daydreaming about a woman though. now, 2 weeks after the show is over, i am really depressed because i just want this woman to come and "rescue" me and take care of me (like rapunzel kind of). i feel so guilty and bad because it is about someone and she doesn't know. the more i think about it all, the more i get depressed because it's not possible. i just don't understand why i'm like this. i hate it. i can't function in the world. i just want it all overwith. everything i want is not possible and i just hate myself. i need someone to be my mother forever. and my real mother keeps telling me that "i can do it on my own" and it always makes me cry. i don't want to do it on my own! I WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME!!!
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