First of all, regarding your son's therapist, it matters more if he likes her than if you do (personally), because that's critical to the therapeutic process. Sometimes therapists are a lot lower-key or analytical than we expect, given the emotional hell we are dealing with. They need to clear the decks emotionally themselves in order to hear and to analyze whatever your son presents. Your son's therapist may not be terribly interested in how you and your wife feel about her, as her focus is, rightfully, on your son. Working with traumatized children takes a real toll on the therapeutic community. She needs to preserve all her energies and direct them toward helping your son. If, however, you feel that your son is not progressing with her, or if she seems to be a bad fit for him otherwise, then find another therapist who can take your son immediately. Then, it's worth meeting with his current therapist separately (without your son in the room) and explaining why you are prepared to make a change. You can then evaluate the pros and cons of making a change.

As for scripture, I'm not a Biblically-based person, but I do find the Serenity Prayer (written by Niebuhr) to be very useful:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I also find that breathing deeply (in through the nose for 8 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale through the mouth for 8 counts; repeat) combined with these words, "I am here, it is now," can help you re-center at any moment, and to be present in the only moment that exists: NOW.

And then there's "This, too, shall pass." Abraham Lincoln referenced this in a speech:

"It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!"

I have struggled with spirituality since almost the exact moment when my daughter was raped, when she was 8, even though I didn't know she was in danger. I remember exactly: I was praying one day (around the time of the first rape) when suddenly I felt spiritually abandoned, as if God had vanished, leaving me in a vacuum. When I learned, 15 years later -- about my daughter's abuse, I came to realize that, indeed, God had left me -- in order to go help my daughter survive. This was not only because He loved her, but because He loved me, and knew exactly how badly I would want for my daughter to have ALL His protection and comfort.

Ihave been back and forth my whole life.I decided when my daughter was in kindergarten that she needed to know God.It was strange that she had never had any kind of formal spiritual teaching she knew things,I always thought it was strange.She loved church,was very active in children's choir,even started a Bible club in school.Then after she told us she wanted to go to church less and less.Then she announced she no longer believed in God because she prayed and prayed for him to help and he didn't stop the abuse.I kept going but have to admit I haven't been to church in a while and I find myself angry.I find that scripture makes things worse.All these things saying He is with us,ask Him for help and He will answer,I find it almost hypocritical.So for now I still believe but I must distance myself.I gave recently been thinking of going back to church.But I also find that really nothing helps,you just have to feel and heal and that takes time.

I am so sorry you're going through this, mama. I am a devout Christian too. I struggle so much with the "why" and "how do I forgive?". I found this article yesterday and it has helped me so much.

https://www.americamagazine.org/issue/389/article/can-one-forgive-child-molester

It’s good to hear that your son is doing well. I agree that the most important thing is for your son to like/do well with his therapist. That said, you should ask her what methods she’s going to use. You should research what she’s doing in their sessions; it will likely raise your confidence in her.

I understand what you mean about jealousy of faith, though mine goes one step further. I was raised in church but never actually believed, even as a small child (I assumed everyone else was faking belief, too, until I was about 12). I envy those of you who do have religion/faith to hold onto, especially with all of this.

SurvivalModeMomma, Mother Teresa was an atheist for long stretches of her life, insofar as she felt God's absence. She would have envied the faithful here, too.

When my daughter disclosed to me almost now two years ago, I cried. And I went running to my bible. I shattered completely. As the perpetrator was my husband. As i cried our to God, The words, forgive as i have forgiven you and father forgive them, repeated in my head, Over and Over.....
So I got on my knees and I prayed, God help me to do what you want, what you would do. And over the course of the next Six months I did. Wasn't easy, someday I hated the man, Others i could see the traumatized child in him. He never intended to grow up to be a child abuser. None of them do. But they do, because they have never had anyone LOVE them enough to choose otherwise. I was that child, I was that little girl, not only traumatized by abandonment and sexual abuse. I know what its like to live 40+ years only living in protection mode. Not realizing how to behave when someone hurts you, because todays society is all about "take care of ME first", When Jesus clearly states, Others first, Self last. Jesus let the people beat and put him on a cross ..... Why? ..... to save us, because he loved us. We show these criminals by letting Jesus live through us. When we do that, it influences them to change. it restores them to community, Which is why Jesus went around healing people in the first place. He met with the Sick, the broken, the outcasts, all to what? Save them.
Its the hardest thing A person will EVER DO, forgive the unforgivable. But I can honestly say, when you do, blessings will overflow. I am a single mom to four kids, i don't have money issues, i don't live in the anger and hate this crime typically comes with. My daughter is fine. She exhibits zero behaviors to suggest otherwise. Yes We've both attended therapy.

My husband was repentant, he confessed when he didn't have to. He was sentenced to 2years in Dec. and is currently incarcerated. Through a program called Freedom Session- by ken dyck, I myself have learned the destructive behaviors that caused me to be angry and irrational at times. My husband took the course a year before I did.

Take my advice or Don't.
But I GUARANTEE through personal experience, Forgiving comes with a blessing of peace.
Satan is out to destroy families and people. This Bible is contradictory to what this world will tell you to do. But Within its pages are the answers. Apply the TRUTHS and you will be free, your son will be free.

A book that helped me understand the contradictory evidence of God is When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner (https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People-dp-1400034728/dp/1400034728/ref=mt_paperback?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=). It was published many years ago, but still stands as an answer to that timeless question. Another, unrelated to trauma per se, is The Scalpel and the Soul (https://www.amazon.com/Scalpel-Soul-Encounters-Surgery-Supernatural/dp/1585427136/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1547598416&sr=1-1&keywords=the+scalpel+and+the+soul), which presents evidence of the presence of God through the experiences of a neurosurgeon. It is mysterious and comforting.

I just got down to this one. I was reading the description of the Israelites fleeing from the Egyptians at the Red Sea out loud in my Bible study, when this line came up, and I had to pretend I had a cough because I started crying and couldn't go on, it applied to me so much and it is my mantra so many days: "The LORD will fight for you. You have only to be still." Exodus 14:14 It seems pretty appropriate for you too, with legal stuff coming up. (The one woman who knows my situation was in the room, but the others have no idea.)

Hi FullMeasure

Have been thinking about your post for a while. For us it is coming up to six years post disclosure. It has really tested my faith, but also been one of the best things to happen in that respect. I have gone from being really angry with God, to not trusting, to asking the "why" questions such as why didn't he stop this happening in the first place, I prayed for protection over my children, and yet, here we are. There are several things I have come to realise:

There are some things this side of life I will never have the answer for or understand;
Being a Christian doesn't mean that bad things won't happen to me or those I love;
There is no "magic" bullet to protect me from life.

That being said, there have been numerous times I have really had to take a step back and ask myself whether I am real about my faith, and if so, what am I going to do about it? I have had to choose whether to give in to my emotions, fears, insecurities etc, or whether to step out in faith and hang onto God's promises and what the Bible says about God and his relationship with me, despite my feelings not matching up to what I was reading or saying.

I can, without a doubt, see God's hand in our lives in the middle of the chaos, working things out for good. On the other hand, there are other areas, such as the healing of our daughter's lives and relationships, that are far from answered and heading in the opposite direction to what we are praying and believing for.

So scriptures that mean a lot to me are:

Proverbs 3:5-6
Isaiah 41:10
Psalm 34:18
Psalm 120:1
2 Chronicles 20:15. The battle is not yours, but God's
2 Chronicles 20:12 We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.
Romans 12:2 Be transformed by the renewing of your mind

Trust, something that is completely shattered by abuse, is so difficult in these circumstances. It is what I have had to make a choice about when my world is crashing in around me, but God surrounds me with faithful friends, with loving people, in ways he knows I need.

There are some books I like too:

It's Not Supposed to be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst
It's okay Not to be Okay by Sheila Walsh

Hope this makes sense. I know that we would not be where we are today without God going before us in many things. Although things are a long way from what I am hoping for, I do keep my eyes on what God is doing because I can't do things in my own strength. Some days are easier than others to trust, and some days my faith seems completely lacking and I am yelling and crying at God, but that's okay. Trusting that God is in control has given me a lot of peace.

Ozmum62, I can relate so much to what you wrote above, so well said. Thank you...