i'm new here just found the site today. i am a mom to an 11 yr old daughter that got molested by her dad for atleast 2 yrs most likely more but he isnt telling and she can't remember passed 5 or 6 yrs old. she was 8 almost 9 when he got caught by his gf. it was july 11, 2015 that she caught him. i will never forget the date cuz i was pregnant with my youngest and that was her due date. she was actually born early on july 1st that year and out of all 4 my kids she was the only one that came early. god knew my daughter would need me and made sure i could be. her dad had her for the weekend and i was to get her back on the 12th. he was caught on the 11th but his gf didn't do anything until the 12th. she tried getting her back to me but no one would give her my information and my daughter tried to give her as much of what she knew. she didn't know her phone number and i regret that she didn't know her address but knew the area. they tried to drive her to me but we lived a hour from where they were and they struggled with roads being closed and that. i had got a call from her dad that day that struck me odd he never calls me he was supposed to be at work. he asks me if anyone called me about our daughter saying that she said some things that his friends took wrong and not to worry she would be coming home later. i was sleeping when i got the call so i wasn't thinking straight. 6 hrs later when she was supposed to be home she wasn't home. i started to worry not sure what was going on. finally he calls me at 6:15 to tell me that she's at the police station in another town a hour away and wouldn't tell me why. he told me his mom would bring her home and the police will tell me but i already knew that he touched her. he has a brother who is already a registered sex offender and i fought him a few times on them allowing him to sleep in the same room as her and so on. the courts just gave her a room and told them the uncle wasn't allowed in it. sadly i learned few yrs later he was sleeping in there and the family denied he ever was. her dad did finally confess it happened but his brother was in jail for another crime so it wasn't a big deal to the courts. i also knew from when i was married to her dad that he liked to talk to younger girls i exposed that to the courts many times during the divorce and mediation for our daughter. nothing was ever done so this is why i knew when he called he touched her. i called the police station and the officer confirmed that he was caught touching her and that it had gone on for about 2 yrs. i told them to get the grandma away from her cuz his mom is the meanest there is and i went up there. my husband, my mom, the baby, my oldest son and i all drove to go get her. we didn't get home until 3 am that night and cuz he was caught in 1 town and he lives in another this case went over 2 counties. i am very pleased with the outcome. the county he was caught in gave him 15 yrs in prison and 15 yrs on probation the other county gave him 35 yrs in prison and 20 yrs probation they are running them together and not seperate sadly. he's been trying to appeal the one with the greater amount but with no luck and i am glad they aren't letting him get away with it. i have had behaviour problems with her for yrs becuase of the lack of discipline over there at age 6 she was stealing money from them at 7 she stole from the store. they didn't do anything about it at age 4 she knew if she cried like a baby grandma would get her stuff. i have since learned that all the stealing of food in my house from age 2 to present is cuz they never fed her she had to get her food all the time and ate whatever she wanted. so now she steals anything that has sugar in it and is considered a sweet. she takes them from little children on the bus, at school, her therapist, at home, and at my moms. we been trying to get it to stop but no luck. when this all came out we did everything we were supposed to do talked to everyone we needed to i had her in therapy so they switched her to one that deals with this stuff. she would not talk to her. she always said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so we didn't. she is on meds for ptsd but still adjusting them at times. she won't leave my side and it drives me nuts cuz she will practically be on top of me where ever i go. i am becoming clastrophobic because of her not giving me space. she always wants what other kids have and is highly jealous of my older son who is autistic. they would leave her home with her grandpa who couldn't take care of himself and he would let her be in charge of the house. so no one was really watching her. there are times she was left home alone and then you have her grandma who would tell her how mean of a mom i was. her dad would tell her the same that i am the mean family and they are the nice family. i have to hear about how her dad told her that kids shouldn't be disciplined and that they should be free to do what they want. so for the last 2.5 yrs i been battling lots of acting out and not listening to rules and so on. this year now is officially the worst and i'm just now lost and not sure what to do. i have spent yrs trying to help her and tried talking to her she woudn't talk. then she started talking to kids at school so we got someone else for her to talk to that helps ppl and kids with abuse. now in nov she tried to tell me that my older son was touching her and that i knew was not true but apparently stuff was going on in my house. when i got to the bottom of it i found out she was waiting outside the bathroom every monday at 4 am when he would go to the bathroom. then she would follow him into his room and be naked or she would get undressed. my son would just fall back to sleep but she was touching him and tries to tell me he was awake. this child knows how to lie so well that u really believe her and she learned that from her dads family they lie so much. i finally got the truth out of her after a ton of tears and tantrums and her telling me she wanted to die so i called the crisis line and checked her into a hospital for help. they can only keep her for a week so she was back home. i wasn't ready for her to come home yet cuz i needed to put door alarms now on her doors so this won't happen anymore. i sent her to my moms and she begged me to let her come home i kept telling her no not until i get the alarms on. she would bug me to go do it right then and there so she could come home i kept telling her no. finally i met with cps since it had to be reported and we got the alarms on brought her back home. our social worker went and talked with her at school one day then i am getting a call from the cops in the town that her dads family lives in. they tell me they want a follow up with her and so forth so i took her to see them only to find out that she told our social worker that one of her other uncles was touching her many yrs ago when she would see her dad. this btw is not the uncle that is a registered sex offender already though in one of our mediations her dad told me i should be worried more about this one than the one that was a sex offender. so now they opened an investigation and i told them she usually doesn't say these things unless they are true in some way. the da decided they wanted her to go for another interview so we set it up. it was supposed to be last tues and she knew this but they canceled and rescheduled for last thurs. i have since learned evverything that has gone down on tues but did not know everything until now. tues was a normal day for us she went to school and that saw her after. i learned the next day that she went after a little girl on the bus calling her a bitch when she cried she told her that she was going to punch the girls face in. this talk has never came out of her mouth before but she bullies my boys all the time at home and i warned the school that she goes after the younger children so sadly it did not surprise me. then she apparently went to her school counselor claiming she was nervous about the interview she tried telling me when she was home that she went and her counselor gave her sample questions of what they would ask. so i asked her what questions and she was like oh when this happened how long ago and so on. i asked her what her answer was and she was like back in 2nd or 3rd grade. just acting like its normal. i have since learned her counselor never asked her any of that she came to her about being nervous and it was brief cuz she had an appt. then at home that night she hands me a piece of paper talking about how they are putting a surprise bday party on at school for a kid in her class and all the kids need $3. i told her i was going to email her teacher cuz something didn't seem right and she got pissy and had an attitude claiming she needed it for the next day when i had 2 days to get it. the teacher did confirm that she needed the money but i learned that the principal never oked that party and told them no the next day they couldn't do it and sounds like the note wasn't even supposed to go home yet either and i might of been the only one that got one. then later my oldest came asked if he could play a game on the comp and i said yes and logged him in. as soon as i was logging him in she claims she has homework on the comp to do which is some kind of learning game. i didn't let her on right away and i emailed that teacher to confirm. i never got an answer back until the next day and found out that her teacher will never use the site she wanted to be on for homework. so i got lied to and played again like always but how can u deny a kid from doing homework. now when my daughter came home from the hospital a lot of the behaviours that i had gotten to stop were back at full force the clingyness, tantrums, jealousy, her brothers couldn't do anything right, and so on. every day she was home from the hospital she would try and come to talk to me complaining about anything she can come up with also trying to get out of her chores. that day she never did come to me at all and for the past week my husband had been sitting and letting her talk about her day to him. well on that tues same day as all the other stuff that happened she asked for him to come in her room for their talk. we have an open door policy so her door was always open and both the boys in the next room where her wall shares it with the room they were in. my husband tucked her in along with the boys that night like usual set her alarm and went to the bathroom. 10 mins later her alarm is going off and i went to see why she was out she looked at me told me that she wanted to talk to me alone. i shut her door and she now says my husband touched her that night when he tucked her in between her legs. now my husband has been around for almost 4 yrs. he was with me when this came out and been there for her every step thru this journey. he did a father daughter dance with her in dance class, gone to all her performances, and so on. which all of this was stuff her dad never did for her everything was about him and what he wanted. my husband stepped up and took her in as his own along with my other kids so i knew he would never touch her like that. she threw a big fit yelling screaming i knew u wouldn't believe me and so on. i calmed her down she finally came to her senses and agreed he didn't touch her. i asked her all the next day if he touched her she kept telling me no. i did what i knew i had to do but didn't want to and i told our social worker. she assured me that since she was taking it back nothing would happen and so on. thursday we took her to her interview and they took her into custody. during the interview for her uncle she told them my husband had touched her and gave out explicit details of how. what makes me so mad that people just listen to a child that has been molested for yrs and think that cuz she has explicit details then it happened. my mom has her right now but my husband can't have contact with her so we can't have family meals or outings with my mom anymore. my husband goes tomorrow to talk with the detective. they already talked to my oldest cuz he asked them to talk to him and they talked with my daughter. she just acts like she can come home when this gets resolved like she didn't do anything wrong. when i am around my mom has a hard time with her. when i am there and i have the rest of the kids she is even worse and it hurts. my kid is ruining my life cuz she wants my attention 24/7. i have been begging for help and no where to take her. the place her therapist wants me to take her i can't unless i can get my worker to have the county to pay for it otherwise it will cost me $4000 a month. i don't know where to turn and at this point i am ready to hand her over to the state cuz then she will get the help that i can't seem to get for her. i luv all my kids so much so its so hard to have to say that and it will kill me if i have to but at this point i don't know what else to do. i can't leave any of the kids alone in a room with her and she won't tell us when she comes in a room that the kids are in cuz we walked away and when her little sister comes in the room by her cuz she's 2 and moves fast when we are not looking. she grew up watching their family not listen to any rules of regular life and thinks she can do this too. she even told me that nothing happened when she took the candy from the store. i told her cuz no one properly punished her. we had an argument one night that she wants to be the oldest cuz they get to stay home and she can't and do other things she can't do. i tried telling her even if she was the oldest i wouldn't allow her to cuz of her age and cuz of how she behaves. she has an anxiety about presents cuz they never really got her any presents for birthdays or holidays. so all she cares about is getting presents and not the whole reasoning behind it. to her saying sorry is just something u are supposed to say when u do something wrong but theres no meaning behind it doesn't care that she hurts ppl. she keeps telling me they misunderstood her that night and that she knows he didn't do anything. i keep telling my worker this but i keep getting told that it looks like shes being coached so they can't take her word or even mine. yet you can clearly tell that my worker knows my husband never touched her and i know she is just doing her job. i know its mean to say but i really hate my kid right now for doing this. i don't care if she gets her presents anymore, don't really want to give them to her but i probably will. i might sound like a mean mom but i am using her presents as a reward cuz she has been acting out with tantrums so much that i been taking presents away in hopes she will stop but she thinks after xmas she will just get them anyways so she doesn't care if she loses them or not. i'm not looking forward to xmas at all. my shopping is done but i had a little more to get for my mom and can't seem to get in the spirit anymore. right now its looking like no contact will still be in place for xmas and we can't be together as a family. i could care less about her right now i want my other kids, my husband, my mom, and i to be able to have xmas together we are the only family we have here. there will be no xmas meal and present opening has to be split up. sorry this is so long and thank you to anyone that decided to read and stick thru the long post
Just for info......I went onto the PTSD group......I don't know how many of you have been there?......but virtually every member of that group has been sexually abused......usually as children......I just feel sick......it is every-where and all pervading......I just can't bare it at the moment
I feel like I am wasting the beautiful precious years of my dd growing up, feeling ill, depressed and traumatised.....whatever treatments there are, they are not a cure for what has happened to our kids......to us......I don't wanna to kill my ex partner, my daughters biological father, death is too good for him, but god help me I wish he would suffer......but he truelly does not because he is...