So this will be our 2nd year without my in-laws,since we cut them out of our lives.My mom lives 3hours away and will be spending Christmas with my sisters family and my brothers,we will see her for New Years.Our usual Christmas was open gifts at home then go to my in-laws for brunch,I always brought the sweets and my mother in law made the quiche,then later to my sister in laws for dinner( the abusers family).Last year we relaxed at home then went to my neices' to exchange gifts,then went to Denny's for dinner,yes Denny's,my husband and daughters favorite restaurant.So this year we are doing the same we are so use to big busy holidays it seems weird to be relaxed.Last year I felt lost,opened gifts and then.....,nothing.I was at a loss.I grew up in a large family but with just the 3of us it seems eerily quiet.I do enjoy sitting around in my pj's and having my coffee but I just feel like I am missing out,darn I should have had more kids! Lol.Its a shame that the victims are the ones that have to make due,miss out.Christmas is hard for my daughter,she did allow me to decorate a little,last year no tree but this year we will have one.No outside lights,I put lights around the banister,wreath on the door and that's it,in fact I don't even have my tree yet,why put her through that,so I am waiting until this week.I will be going to Christmas Eve service alone this year,my daughter still won't go,says she does not believe in God,I know she is so hurt that God let this happen to her and won't hear anything to the contrary.But a glimmer of hope, last week her friend was waiting to hear if she got into the tech school for next year and my daughter says " I was thinking maybe I will pray for her to get in". A huge step! My daughters faith was so strong,she loved church,was always in the children's choir,was a helper for the new kids,she was always bringing neighborhood kids to church,even started a "Jesus" club at school.I don't push her but she knows it hurts my heart that she doesn't believe and I hope she finds her way back.But it is what it is and I hope this week goes fast!
Just for info......I went onto the PTSD group......I don't know how many of you have been there?......but virtually every member of that group has been sexually abused......usually as children......I just feel sick......it is every-where and all pervading......I just can't bare it at the moment
I feel like I am wasting the beautiful precious years of my dd growing up, feeling ill, depressed and traumatised.....whatever treatments there are, they are not a cure for what has happened to our kids......to us......I don't wanna to kill my ex partner, my daughters biological father, death is too good for him, but god help me I wish he would suffer......but he truelly does not because he is...