So, I had to go back to work after the divorce/disclosure, and am in nursing school, four semesters away from my BSN, in hopes to make a better life for the kids and I. I work overnights right now. I wanted to get into UPMC, and this was the position I was offered. Plus, it allows me to me available during the day for the many therapy appointments. When I am at work, my daughter is in our apartment which is IN the home I share with my two 18 year old sons and a friend who took us into this house and put my daughter and I in the beautiful, new mother in law suite which was built for grandma, who passed in May. Its a great setup as it allows her and I to live in separate quarters from the boys, and she feels safe locked into the apartment, locked into the house.
Anyway, she's 13 going on 14 in April, but she thinks she's 17. She likes this boy who is clearly not good for her future. The kid has a tragic life....very sad situation and I think that they find comfort in each other, both feeling broken. One, she's too young to have a boyfriend, and two, this boy is not a good influence. While my heart goes out to him, I don't necessarily want her with him. She says she's in love. She's 13!!!!! So, I noticed some things when I came back from work Saturday morning. The security bar on the sliding glass door was up, she had a candle lit, and she had really cleaned the apartment, which is out of character for her. I suspected that she was sneaking him in. So, I made sure Saturday night that the place was secure (bar down on sliding glass door) and had the boys check in on her. When I came home this morning, there were footprints in the snow from the street right up to the door, bar was up. Obviously, she was sneaking the boy in. I woke her up and told her I needed honesty. She didn't tell me the truth at first, made up lies and eventually did. My obvious concerns are two teens alone at night.....sex? She told me that he would never touch her because he was afraid doing so would give her flashbacks. Again, she's 13! I never thought I would be dealing with this now. 16, maybe...not 13. Heck, at 16, in our living situation, you can bet I would have done the same thing....not that I would tell her this.
I guess my question is what the heck should I do? My first thought was I'm taking her phone and she won't be able to be on social media or have contact with this boy. But, her therapist says her phone is her only coping mechanism and safety blanket and that I shouldn't take it until we have other coping skills in place. My second thought was when I am at work, she has to be at her father's because she cannot be trusted. But, her father is no help, to be honest. He didn't even return my call. Parenting/disciplining a child who is in the middle of dealing with trauma is tricky. I also don't want to push her into this boys arms more. Help! Any advice?
I just found this group and joined today. The short version of what has happened is, I found out that my now adult son (24 years old) was sexually abused by my ex-husband, his step-father when he was 12 years old. My son never told me, his girlfriend asked me if I knew. I've experienced every single emotion possible about this! I'm now seeing a Therapist and just getting to the point where...
I am thankful to have found this support group. My daughter who is in college disclosed 16 months ago that she was abused by a priest at her Catholic school when she was 8. We have been to some therapy separately and together since that time. I of course have extreme guilt even though I know that there was no way I could have known. I think back to specific incidents that I now know why they...