Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

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A sign?

hopefulmama
hopefulmama

I have been struggling lately with forgiveness,not for my daughters abuser,I'm not ready for that,but for my mother in law.She has been the object of my rage.My husband cut all ties with her when she nonchalantly told us she hired the abuser a lawyer.That was 15 months ago.My husband's adult daughter keeps us informed of what is going on and in those past 15 months my mother in law has said some very,very damaging things.My husband is on drugs,I take our daughter from doctor to doctor to get meds,and that I was abused as a child and trying to get justice through our daughter,and many other things.Last week I started feeling like it's time to start healing,to try and reconcile somewhat.I feel a calm and have been struggling with weather or not to forgive her.She is a very controlling person and this and last holiday season has been wonderfully quiet and calming.So yesterday I watched John Hagee's sermon on T.V.I watch him occasionally but usually when my husband does,he loves him.But lowe and behold,the message was on forgiveness and I just had to watch.So he explained that devine  forgiveness demands that the one forgiven changes.I don't believe that she will change,she believes she is right,her ways are set.she believes her denomination is the only one and looks down on others,so I am wondering if there is a way to forgive but not really associate with her,be gracious but not too involved.And if she continues in her ways what are my obligations?I do know I feel I have moved on and let a lot of the anger and revenge go,and maybe for now that's all I need

Bandmom5
Bandmom5
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I think I went thru a period for a number of reasons where I did an honest assessment and review of my faith and beliefs. I decided I needed to be very careful with who and what I read, watch and listen to. If something isn't rooted in scripture that has gone thru accurate exegesis and interpretation, I must discard it. One person I trust unequivocally is Pastor Chris Rosebrough, and I'm sharing a sermon he did on forgiveness. You can only control when, how and why you forgive someone, and how you respond to that within your own self and family; and not how someone else responds to your forgiveness. It's all between you and God for you, and likewise it's between them and God for them. They don't necessarily need to know you forgave them. Have a listen to the following and see if it makes things a bit clearer for you. Hope it helps...

http://www.piratechristian.com/fightingforthefaith/2017/10/asterisk-free-forgiveness
warriormomx5
warriormomx5
This is where my husband & I have come from and our pastor has advised us to be: Ready to forgive if/when we ever see/hear repentance from the offenders. We can't forgive a transgression that is not admitted to (let alone so flamboyantly flaunted in our faces!) But we CAN have our hearts be tender enough to forgive when asked forgiveness. And we can pray for our "enemies" as is Biblically mandated.

I have actually gotten to a place where I've forgiven monster boy & big monster (his oldest brother) because they HAD asked for forgiveness...but I wasn't ready to forgive let alone knew WHAT I was forgiving until all the facts came out. Big monster verbally, repeatedly told me he was "sorry that this happened" when I barely knew about monster boy. He also kept sharing that his "mom will never change...she just isn't right...can't wait to get away, etc." Monster boy wrote me a letter...which we turned in a copy to the police, part of our hard evidence given to us before his mom realised we were going to go the legal route...and I can now see a scared, abused little boy who really is sorry for what he did but doesn't have the guidance or love to help him change his ways because he's stuck with these sicko adoptive parents...so NOW, I can forgive him.

I can even forgive monster girl because I see her more as the victim even though she's never admitted to anything.

As for Momster, DADster & monsteR (other brother)...I'm willing only when I can see SOME sort of repentance! I want to...God knows I do.

In the famous words of Frozen..."Let it go." For your own mental health sake.
hopefulmama
hopefulmama
That's how I feel,my mother in law told my step daughter to ask us if things would be right if she apologized,but to me that is just an empty apology to keep the peace.An empty apology is not what I see as taking responsibility and admitting to being wrong.Bandmom,very interesting listening, I like him,seems very down to earth and easy to understand.Thank you both,I see that without taking full responsibility and changing her ways she isn't ready for my forgiveness.
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