Parenting 'Tweens (9-12) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of tweens (9 to 11 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
My 11 yr old daughter refuses to do anything for herself. She wont clean her room, bring school books home, pick up after herself, nothing!! I've tried every possible thing I need some new advice. I've done grounding, reward systems, grounded her out of her room, made her give toys away to homeless that she refuses to pick up, and made her stay in her room till she picks up something. She will just stay in there and play with more stuff but no pick up. I've cleaned it with her to show her how and help her. I've tried bribes, everything. I even boxed up everything and would only return boxes to her when she would bring home homework. Im lost. We are going through a divorce and I know she's suffering but seriously doesnt seem to care. I so need help or advice if anyone has dealt with this. At this point I think she's just rebelling but I dont know how to deal with it.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
The punishment I use on my children when they decide that they are not doing what I say is that I send them to their room to sit on their bed. They are not allowed to play with anything, watch TV, talk on the phone, nor are they allowed to go to sleep (I always do this during the day). The only thing they can do is sit. As for not bringing home homework, I have threatened to go sit in their classrooms and watch what they're supposed to be doing to have the homework when they get home. Just the thought of me in their school has been enough to turn them around.
You should take some time to talk to your daughter, just to get a sense of where she is emotionally. You may be surprised as to what she may say, but don't just dismiss what she tells you. Listen to her and during that time, she may tell you what you need to do to get back to "normal" whatever that is. I think right now, she has one foot in childhood, and another foot in young adulthood, but she doesn't know which way to turn. This may be your chance to start effecting a relationship with her, so take your chance while you still have it. Good luck.