I have that problem too - I do not feel connected to my daughter - I had sever depression and it took 3 years ( her whole life so far) to finally feel kinda a connection - and I stay home all day with her. It must be hard for you b/c you ship out. Maybe you can write a letter each month you are gone and give it to your wife to give it to your child each month. Maybe still a little something that will remind him of you. not every week - just every month. Maybe you can record some poems with your voice and he can listen to it only at bed time - and that can help mommy too. Maybe ask him what he would like to do - maybe go to parks and take pictures and hang them in his room when you are gone. That way when you come back - it wont feel like he doesn't know you. Your wife just might be having a hard time too - I know I would if my hubby leaves like that. I hope I gave you some good ideas! let me know how it is going :)

I think today was a big step. We had a great day together, just my son and I. I was able to not get upset with every little thing he did. We played, we laughed, we baked brownies (I'm suffering badly from another case of Betty Crocker-envy, only happens when I'm unemployed), we napped... Mommy was very happy to hear that I had made such big strides with my son today. I'm feeling a bit better, MUCH better than yesterday.

I sometimes feel the same. My DD can be a trial at times, much as I love her. Her dad and I both work full time, so she's at day care during the week. As hard as I try to, I cannot seem to not get a bit irritated with her at times in the evenings and over weekends. But then that's humans for you: We do disagree at times no matter how much we may love each other. And she does push, all the time (27 months old in 4 days.)

Now for the contraversial bit: Your wife's reaction and what I have observed about dads, or rather moms, in particular, and women in general. There is a general opinion amongst women that "Mommy knows best. Mommy is competent. Daddy is incompetent." As aware of it as I am I still catch myself doing it at times. You are a good parent. You are important in your son's life. He will never have another Daddy and he loves you, which is why he is defiant with you (Odd that, but true - It's a trust thing.) And your wife is capable of being wrong.

Don't ever sell yourself short. Lots of dads either have no part in their child's life or are around, but may as well not be. I think it is wonderful that you are so involved with him when you can be around and I agree with lovinsah that you need to stay involved even when you're not physically there. In fact, I like all her ideas for doing that. It will also make the transition easier for the little guy - Shame, he's going to miss you.

Good luck and stay safe.

Cath

Some of my own personal experiences regarding your situation...

My son has been a bit defiant lately as well. It seems that everything is bugging the heck out of me, he wants me to play - he doesn't want me to play, etc. etc.

As sad as it may sound, but I can only speak for myself, I find that I actually get bored, I may be tired or I just want some peace and quiet.

What it boils down to for me is, I am selfish. I have learned to "pick my battles" and go on. Yes, I may get bored playing with that same choo-choo for 2 hours, watching the same Shrek movie (over & over I might add). But at least I GET to have these problems. Once I stopped thinking about me and what I think my son should and shouldn't be doing, things have really turned around.

I don't let the small stuff bother me anymore, well at least most of the time. Sometimes I just have to look at myself and what am I putting into this, what am I offering my son? Love, support, companionship, compassion...does my son know that I think he's important and what he does/says matters? You bet, he may be just 2, but he knows that mommy is his biggest fan.

I rambled, but I hope this helps.

my daughter is already showing signs of being even more stubborn. i dread the day when she gets a big girl bed.
but it takes alot of patience with young ones. they're just seeing how far they can go before they cant get their way anymore.
story time is the best time for closeness right before bed. thats bonding time. I think keeping to one or two stories would be ok. thats a special thing children like to do with their parents.
I great book would be "goodnight moon" i think thats what its called. I think its great for bed time. its just a book that says goodnight to all the furniture and pictures. its kind of silly but the book colors get kinda grey and dark like a room at night. and when the story is finished you can continues on with..."goodnight wall. what else can you say goodnight too?"
lots of pictures is a good thing.
another idea is maybe, telling him "the faster you fall asleep, the faster morning will come."
that might help too. ...does he have a night light?
when you leave for 7 months. give your son something to hold on to while your gone.
like a bear with your colone on it, or a pillow or sweatshirt, or a picture. and if you have web cam, that would be great to do every day or every few days. that way he wont miss you as much. hope all goes well.

My son is only 13 months, so I am not to your stage yet, but I just wanted to say, I think it's great you post on here. I dont think your son will hate you when you ship out, I am sure the second you deploy he will be missing his daddy like crazy and driving his mom crazy because he wants you home. He wont remember acting out and either will you when he is older, but you both will remember the poeming reading ( which as a gushy woman, i think that is really adorable that you do that)

you'll be fine and I guess from what I have read this is just a short phase...

It is always difficult when life takes you away from your children, it can make it harder to connect. My partner was away for 5 months when our daughter was younger, and it was very tough. Having said that, they all go through phases where they favour one parent or another even when the parents are around all the time, you must try not to take this personally as it happens to a lot of people, and it is not your fault, it sounds like you are making every effort to connect with your son.

Parenting and disciplin is never easy, noone gives us lessons in how to deal with things when our children start to push the barriers. Keep in mind that your son will look to you as a role model. Sure they will push you as far as they can at this age, but as the adult you need to keep your cool and show him that however much he pushes you will be in control.

Take heart from the positive times you share like the peoms at night. Could I suggest that you start making a tape now of you reading the poems so that when you go away in February your wife will have a bank of poems that she can play to him at night. That way he will hear you reading to him even when you are not there and it will help greatly in keeping that connection with you when you are away.

Most of all, enjoy your son, you are a wonderful caring Dad and posting here shows how much you care.

I think the best thing you can do is to just take a deep breath, calm down, and realize that they are just a child, learning and growing, and that this is a very difficult age. Just try your best to keep from stressing. I find when I am able to keep myself calmer that my daughter will be calmer as well, they kind of feed off of our emotions sometimes.