
Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

deleted_user
My 15 yr old (turned in April) is acting crazy. I was at a school function w/ my younger daughter. She decided to leave to her "friend" two doors down , who was entertaining an unknown amount of kids from 14-17--without a parent. My husband ( i learned later) seen her walk out and didn't ask where she was going. Now my husband is so paranoid about his girls, they aren't even aloud to sit on porch without me present. Well i get a call at the function from the girls mother stating that my daghtr is afraid of my husband and doesn't want to go home. I hear my husband in the background saying I'm not disrespecting you. then the lady goes on to ask my husband if she can take my daughter out to eat w/ her daughter and says the same to me. My husband says yes she hangs up. Then i get another call from my sisiter in law like 15 min later stating my daughter called she is walking around (it's 10 p.m) cause she doesn't have anywhere to go-she lost her house key. As far as i know she is out to eat with this lady and her daughter. I now gotta round up the little one and leave. I'm pissed--he never is involved w/ these kids and when he tries to all hell breaks loose. Apparently my daughter wandered off with some boy and left her key. The girls got the key and left something in my house so helped themselves in and got their stuff. My husband comes upstairs to see two girls running out. He follows and uses profanity what are they doing the girl called her mom who shows up trying to placate my husband--meanwhile my daughter shows up and when told by my husband to get her ass inside says "NO, I'm not going anywhere with you" and stands in the street saying "I'd rather get hit by a car then go with you" telling the girls not to leave her cause he will beat her. My husband has never laid a hand on them. he so doesn't parent them he tries to be there friend. anyway while the lady is talking to him she wanders off. she ends up at her grandmothers, the third call. she is sleeping over there, let them calm down. I'll have her call you tomorrow. I so don't want to deal with it so i say o.k. Now the fourth call from my sister "what's going on some friends came over and are worried cause my daughter ran away from fear of her abusive father, whom apparently beats her on a daily bases." My sister was amused cause she knows what a push over he is. these girls have him wrapped around their finger. I say "no", they ask dad--he overrides me and we argue. well my daughter never talked back before, never walked out without asking before. I think she was drinking or doing something to act like this. She is so not like this. She really doesn't go out-we don't allow it. My husband just started letting her walk around for like an hour with friends ( 2 different girls) or walk to the corner store but times her. I am scared. I now learned that this is the party house. (the kid two doors down.) And the girl is a boozer. I don't know where i went wrong. I now hear that she was so distraught at her grandmothers that she took 6 tylenol and got scared so thru them up. We have alcoholism on both sides of family--my dad is recovering alcoholic--about 15 20 years-cost him his marriage. and my husbands sister brother and dad and himself all fall under this. I need help-don't know where to turn. I feel like i did this--i brought this on--i was too over protective. I just started working when she started h.s and her grades started failing--i blamed it on freshmanitis. i raised her myself--my husband pays bills and that's it--he won't let me give them chores. he isn't talking to her til she apologizes--he taught her never to apologize cause it's admitting guilt. I'm fighting a no win battle. HELP--IS THIS TEEN NONSENSE OR WORSE. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE BLINDERS. I LOVE HER-BUT I KNOW SHE'S NOT AN ANGEL.

deleted_user
My heart goes out to you. The only feedback I can give you is to stay strong and stick to your values. We went through so much with our son who is going to be sixteen this summer. My biggest mistake was to not be united with my husband and he knew how to divide and conquer. Teenagers are great manipulaters, I love them and they have great traits but this is one that is common. Stay strong.

deleted_user
It is teen nonsense, but you have to get a handle on it & so does her dad. Get her a counselor!

deleted_user
Thanks for your feedback. I tried the school counselor who gave me a name of some family services something that i really didn't call yet. I kinda feel like i want to work this out on my own. I think like maybe because i was so into my own junk w/ my mom's passing that I just didn't pay enough attention to her. My husband and myself are sort of working together. I have talked to her and of course she denies she was drinking and tried drugs. She didn't deny that the other girl was a boozer. She is cut off from her. Well hopefully things will get better. Prayer has helped me so much on this one. I just have to believe that he won't give me more than I can handle.

deleted_user
I would 2nd the advice to go to counseling. You need a neutral 3rd party to support your parenting efforts (you will not be criticized or blamed for what you have or have not done). Maybe an answer to your prayers was the "eye opening" experience and the timely information about affordable counseling. If you are uncomfortable with this route, perhaps you could go to an Al-Anon group to share your concerns in the context of the family history. Remember to be good to yourself!

deleted_user
Get a handle on the alcohol prevention is better than trying to cure. Sounds like you are on the right track. Try to get on the same page with your husband use each others strengths but in the end be united. Neither of you need to answer you daughter until you have discussed it with each other. No permission without approval of both of you. See if he will agree to that. Sounds like only the begining. They do grow out of it if they don't get hooked on drugs or alcohol. Set limits keep them safe. I am a social worker we don't believe the kids all the time. Her acusations will need proof. You don't need to worry when you are doing the right thing. Keep praying I will pray to God be the glory.

deleted_user
I can relate to yourlif my 17 year old try to pull the same thing with us, only I was the bad guy. all it bought her was an appt with a physologist and family therapy, she learned the hard way that she could not divide and conqour, your daughter is starting to push for more freedom, and so far she has it, decide what rules you and your husband want and stick to them, she is qoning to try to break all of them but stick to them she'll get the message

deleted_user
Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble. I have 4 teens, boy 19, 3 17 year old girls. First of all, I would get your child in counselling. Secondly, when the child becomes unruly or runs away from home, call the police. My stepdaughter, 17, has given us all kinds of trouble-running away, coming home drunk, disresptul, violent, etc....- we have had to call the police. Her twin sister, 17, is sleeping with a 27 year old man who has a 5 year old daughter. Her birthday is in Jan, and she says she will move out on her birthday to live with him. The oldest boy is very dispectful, rude, hateful- he is not even welcome in our home anymore, my daughter, 17, is more normal, but she really doesn't care about my feelings as her mother. All of this hurts my husband and I tremendously. Don't blame yourself, these kids have personalities of their own and they will do what they want. I completely understand.

deleted_user
thank you all for your advice/feedback. Things have gotten a little better, but letting him be more involved is scary. I trust him but we come from two completley different backgrounds. we really don't agree on most things. And you are all right- I need to unite with him. It's just i've been doing it alone for so long that i feel like i failed so now he has to step in. It's not about me---it's not about me--it's not about me. thanks
Join the Conversation
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
-
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...