dear linda , if you smoked weed when young tell him of some of the not so funny things that happened to you, as 4 ectasy, tell him to get lost if he wants to do this, you don't want him to go , just threaten this and see what he says, make fun of him when he comes home stoned , make it uncomfortable him, then explain your position, your love for him, you can't make him stop , but you can comment and keep it up , till he listens ,ask him if he takes drugs cuz he's unhappy, wants to fit in, just likes the way it feels, one way or another you will get to the bottom of this, pots fairlie harmless , he could stop on his own , but show an interest, talk about it , 15 is a hard age. please let me know how you get on xxAmigo's

In my state, the courts will get involved if the parents file. Here in MA it's called Chins (child in need of services). If the courts are involved, counseling may be mandated. You can make conditions with your son about what he needs to do in order to live at home. The alternative might be a group home. I know with pot, it may seem harmless, but it can be as destructive as some of the harder drugs, when it becomes an addiction. I recently took a graduate course about children and the law. During one class, we had three young men, ages 15 to17 come and speak to the class. They were all "youthful offenders" who were in state custody until they were 18. They all started out smoking pot. One of them, looked like he could have been anybody's son. He was fifteen and would never be living at home again. Granted, with all of them, home life was part of the problem, but seeing these children in front of the class was very powerful. I think you need to be firm and set limits. There may be some local support services for you as parents, as well. God bless and good luck.

I'm sorry but amigos is way OFF BASE here. Don't make any threats you aren't going to back up. That teaches him that you won't hold to your word or threats. Jeez. I can't even believe the advice he gave you. I'm starting to wonder if this really is just some kid using an adult account. Set your boundaries. Follow through with the consequences. If my son was smoking pot he'd learn real fast that home is where he is 24/7 and with mom. I would walk him into school (after having talked to teachers and counselors and the school officer as well to make sure he is searched often as well as his locker). I would pick him up from school. NOT OUTSIDE but I would have him sit in the office waiting for me. I'd also make sure the attendance clerk called me if he was tardy to a class or missed a class. If this started to happen I'd take time off work and sit my butt in class with him. Then he'd come home and I'd keep him so extremely busy spring cleaning doing little projects that he wouldn't have time to even think about drugs. I'd also have him volunteer at a shelter and see first hand what happens when you choose drugs. I'd also have him volunteer once a month at a hospital that treats drug abusers often. When things seem to be going smoothly then he'd start earning back some of his freedoms. He would also become familiar with drug testing at home and at a doctor office if I ever questioned the home results. He would also know that if I EVER found drugs in my home I would call the police. If there are ever drugs found in your home by police they will take EVERYONE that is in the house to the station and ask questions later. So this is a MUST! And if you have younger kids, remember they look up to your older son. Be firm, be strong and you'll get your good boy back. And for the record my son is also 15. So these consequences that I have provided are exactly age appropriate... Making fun of him is only going to make it worse. It will make him feel unloved and unwanted, that will NOT help.

I thought I would add I have a bachelors in psychology and he probably should be seeing a counselor to handle the issues that cause him to smoke pot. While it does have mood enhancing benefits it's not a good way to medicate. Pot can and usually does lead to the harder stuff.

First and foremost, I would call a local drug treatment center and make an appointment to have your son assessed, if you can (not always easy if your son refuses). I would also make an appointment for yourself to talk to a drug counselor. Learn as much as you can about drugs - abuse and addiction. If your son is "just" abusing, you can nip it in the bud by placing lots of consequences on him. If he is addicted - that will be a lot harder to do. Nothing comes between a user and his drug. If he becomes unruly (by not adhering to house rule) then you will know you have a real problem on your hands. Other indicators - change in friends, losing interest in activities he once liked, becoming more secretive...etc.

If he does have an underlying issue (depression etc) that can only be determined once he's off the drugs. Self-medication (drugs or drinking to feel better emotionally) is common when people have some mental health problems.

Please search his room. Do whatever you can to get him arrested. File an unruly report if he loses his temper or doesn't come home at curfew. Even though the process of getting the true help through the courts takes months (in our county it's very slow) this is where you will get the support you need, whether your son is abusing or addicted. **Because he's a juvenile his record will go away once he turns 18, if he gets arrested and charged.

Don't sit back and wait. Do whatever you can. My best to you....

I am dealing with many of the same issues with my two boys now. I don't claim to have any answers, but I would NOT recommend getting the law involved. If anything, it made my older son's situation much worse. He was ordered to counseling, which I was pleased with at first, but his appointed counselor was not well qualified, to say the least. I was not allowed the option to help find another counselor on my own. He was also made to attend a weekly group session. I sat in on a few and they were a complete unorganized waste of time. Plus, he made more stoner friends from other schools that he never would have met.

My Mom went through a lot of this stuff with one of my siblings, who is now a great, productive person. Her best advice is to keep the relationship as good as possible so that when we all come out on the other end, we will be close.

Good Luck.

With all due respect, I STRONGLY disagree with Bluesky1 about not getting the law involved, if you're able. I belong to two Al Anon groups and a parenting support group for parents of addicts and ALL of them have been extremely grateful for the support the police and law has been able to provide. Case in point - my son accumulated a long list of criminial offenses (in as short period of time due to his usage) and if it weren't for the law and the trouble he got himself into, he wouldn't have had any reason to stop doing drugs because we had no power to stop him. Mind you, he is not using now and is doing extremely well but it wasn't because he wanted to, initially. The court ordered AA and treatment instead of jail. He has a great incentive to stay clean because he has jail hanging over his head, if he changes his mind. **On the other hand, my friend's son managed to stay away from criminal activity (other than using illegal drugs) and because he hasn't gotten into trouble, his mom can't get him treatment because he refuses. Within the next week or so, she is going to hire an escort service to whisk him away in the middle of the night and send him many states away to a treatment facility. Her way is very expensive. **Even if your son isn't addicted but is "just" abusing, it's still important to get the law involved. That surely will wake him up and you may be able to nip it in the bud, if he's heading that way. Being proactive instead of reactive is going to make it easier for everyone in the long run. Best of luck to you.

Hi I can relate to this with my daughter and there is not easy solution for this. I agree that some intervention is needed because drug use does not go away on it's own. There are deeper issues and if he is going from pot to other drugs that means he isn't getting the fix he needs from pot anymore.
Call the a therapist who works with teens and drugs for advice before you tell him. It helped me help my daughter. He needs your help and love but he also needs to know this is self destructive behavior. Hugs

My son went from pot to meth and ex. I had to sent him to a treatmentprogram /boarding school. I would try to stay away from the law they wont really help you as fast as you need. And also they're not going to make his record will not just go away when he's 18. He will never be able to get a good job in the military or with the Govt.
Whatever you do do it fast before it gets harder
And remember your not just fighting his addiction your fighting his peers also. It's almost impossiable for a kid his age to stop when all his friends are doing it.
Joe

Joe is right - the law cannot help you as fast as you would need. If you can get your son to go to treatment then that is the best way. If you cannot, then you know there are other options! My best to you.

I was a drug addict when I was 15. It was because of problems at home. I'm not saying you have problems at home, I'm just saying that's what made me start. You name it, I did it, although heroin was my drug of choice.

First and foremost, your son cannot get clean or stop doing drugs unless HE wants to. It doesn't matter what you want him to do, he'll just do it behind your back. I know because I was there. If he can get his hands on it, he'll continue to do it. Punishing him makes it worse. Taking away his freedom will make him hate you. HE has to have the willpower to quit abusing drugs, or he'll never quit. For most teenage boys, peer pressure plays a huge role in drug abuse.

Getting the law involved is a stupid choice. You don't want your 15 year old to have a tarnished record, just because he made a few bad choices. As he ages, he'll find motivation to want to quit. I found music was my motivation. Music and writing was my escape to the horrors that went on at home. When I found I was able to escape the horrors without doing drugs, I weened myself off them.

Having said all that. When he does decide to get clean, it is VERY VERY important that he doesn't stop cold turkey. That could make him suicidal. What I did, was I used less intense drugs to ween myself off of the harder ones, eventually working my way down to pot only. And then from pot I worked my way to cigarettes. And then, finally, I did neither.

My advice is that you don't listen to the first few responses. NEVER make fun of your child. EVER. My dad used to make fun of me, and it made me want to kill myself. NEVER make your child feel like a prisoner. That'll make him hate you. Don't send your child away. Don't threaten to make him leave. Honestly, if I was 15 and my dad told me to leave or stop doing drugs, I'd leave.

And there's not always a psychological reasoning behind why kids do drugs, so therapy might just be a waste of time. It could just be peer pressure. Hanging out with the wrong kids. But you can't stop him from hanging out with his friends, or he'll hate you as well. It's a hard road to go down. But I can tell you it gets better. Because, like I said, he'll change when he feels he needs to.

Dr. Laura has highly recommended the book, "Preventing Addiction: What Parents Must Know to Prevent Drug and Alcohl Addiction" by John C. Fleming, MD. From the reviews I've read, it is a MUST READ BOOK FOR ALL PARENTS! I just orderd a copy for myself from Amazon.com. My son is 13 and I hope I never will have to deal with this but in the event that alcohol/drug use becomes an issue, I want to be fully prepared and well armed with useful information. Good luck to you.

Every one has a different story and a different approach to what works for them. There is no real right or wrong way to do it. When I was in your position and asked people on here for help, there were those who thought their way was the only way. And that simply is not true because we did not take their advice and thankfully our son is sober and doing very well with the option we chose. You will have to lay it out on the table and figure out how you can get him help , the way you see fit with some of the options you have. In our case, we had no choice whether our son got into trouble with the law because he did. By the grace of God THAT was exactly what our son needed. Other parents were able to send their child away to a treatment center because they could. We couldn't because our son refused to go. Short of having an escort service scoop in up in the middle of the night, we "let" the law help us. As a parent do what you think will work for your son. We did whatever it took to get ours help, even if it meant working with the police. Believe or not, my son for as young as he is, he told me he was grateful to the policeman who insisted we (his parents) press charges on the last arrest. It was NOT a stupid choice for us. You asked how we handled this "type of situation" and this is what worked for us. Getting into trouble caused him to want to stop. It MADE him to want to. And as a juvenile -- his record will be wiped away once he's 18. If drug court is involved his record would be completely expunged before the court is through. If your son hasn't gotten into any trouble with the law then get him an assessment at a drug treatment center. Fismenin is right that your son cannot get clean unless HE wants to, to a certain extent (there is research that differs with her opinion). My son had no reason to want to stop doing drugs until the heavy hand of the law was hanging over him. THE LAW made him want to.

I know my son experimented and I chose to just tell him how I felt about it like he was a grown man.I used big words like death,jail,LOVE,and I reminded him I would love him even if he was a homeless bum hooked on herion living in a gutter.I think he still might sneek every once in a while due to peer pressure but he isn't coming home stoned out of mind anymore!

well, i'm sorry to hear about that. it is very frustrating and concerning as a parent because we want the best for our kids.

about 90% of the kids in HS have done drugs. they are like candy. most kids smoke pot before school, during lunch and after school and they may pop a few pills during the day. the peer pressure to do drugs is incredible.

and it ticks me off because we have a DARE program in our school district and they start talking to the kids when they are in 5th grade. then they talk to them in 6th grade, 7th grade and 9th grade.....

the kids don't even have to buy the drugs, people just give it to them. my son had a meltdown this week because of all the peer pressure to do drugs.

my son can't drive if he does drugs. and they have testing now, so you can buy tests at the drug store. they are about $20 a test which is kinda pricey. but, using the incentive of driving has helped my son to make some better choices.

i spoke with my son's guidance counselor this week and she is aware of the drug problem at the school and she told me that the boy's have a very rough time their freshman and sophmore year. my son will be 16 this summer, he is a sophmore.

anyway, my heart goes out to you. i just try to keep as open communication as i can with my son. i see and hear him tell others now, but i know it's hard for him because he is surrounded by it on a daily basis.

best wishes!