Hang in there. Teens are difficult. Some teens are practically impossible.

My biggest fear that I will continue to let him live under my roof and put up with his crap into adulthood. I just can't let that happen!

If he is stealing from you, skipping school and acting out in other ways and counseling/rehab hasn't helped find a good boot camp program. That may or may not help. But it's worth a good try.

Can he be legally emancipated from you; or do you want to give up guardianship to the state? I would talk to an attorney that specializes in this -- if you feel that you have exhausted the over avenues such as counseling, rehab and so forth. Is there a tough love program where you are that might help? Good Luck!

You may have already checked into this, but wanted to mention it just in case - do you think he could be depressed? Sounds like he is very unhappy with himself for some reason. The teen years are so tough. God be with you and help you through this!

my aunt when through this with her 2 daughters. because she threaten to kick her out she new it wasnt true so she did what she wanted when she wanted how she wanted.... now ones dead with 2 kids cus she OD. AND THE OTHER ONE IS A RECOVIERING ALCHOHOLIC AND DRUGGIE RECOVERING. SHE HAS A SON WHO IS PRETTY GOOD "REALLY" GOOD COMPARED TO HIS SISTERS (MY COUSINS!). SHE LEARNED THE HARD WAY THAT SHE HAS TO BE STRICT AND SHES THE BOSS. SHE GOT HIT BY HER DAUGHTER. SHE HIT SHE ABUSED SHE WENT TO THE SLAMMER. FINALLY SHE RELIZED AFTER MULTIPLE JAIL SENTENCES AND TRIALS AND MONTHS AT A TIME N THE SLAMMER THAT SHE BETTER START RESPECTING HER MOMMA OR SHE AINT GONNA SEE THE LIGH OF DAY OUTSIDE OF HER JAIL SELL. IT TURNED OUT SHE HAD SEVERE BIPOLAR AND DEPRESSION.... (THIS ONES STILL ALIVE) THE ONE WITH KIDS IS DEAD AND THE KIDS ARE SEPERATED CUS THEY HAVE 2 DIF DADS.
HES 17 NOT 18 WHOS THE BOSS HERE? HES WALKING ALL OVER YOU.HE STEALS HE GOES TO JAIL FOR A COPLE DAYS MAYBE HE WLL LEARN HIS LESSON. ONCE HE GETS HOME FROM JAIL HE WONT BE ALOUD IN YOUR HOUSE UNTIL HE RESPECTSYOU STOPS STEALING AND GETS HELP FROM A PHYCOLOGIST. LOOK INTO THERAPY DONT HELP HIM DONT HELP HIM UNTIL HE WANTS TO HELP HIMSELF. I KNOW IT SOUNDS HARSH BUT HES NOT 8 YET SO YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL OVER HIM. GET CONTROL BEFORE IT IS TO LATE AND HE TURNES TO DRUGS INSTEAD OF THERAPY... ITS HARSH BUT TRUE I AM TALKING FROM EXPIRIENCE.... TELL ME WHAT YAL THINK FROM MY COMMENT FEEL FREE TO TBE HARSH I SAY IT LIKE IT IS YALL CAN SAY IT LIKE IT IS RIGHT BACK! PEACE GOOD LCK WITH YOUR SON:)

I don't think you should feel guilty, I understand though. You have to do what you have to when it comes down to it. What about withdrawing privaleges and money. Tell him he's got to get a job if he's not going to study. Sounds like he needs some counselling and some good strong male role models around to steer him. What about his dad, could he stay with him. Hang in there it is a tough time. Keep talking, find out what he really wants to do with his life, what interests he might want to pursue and use that as a means of encouragement. Get career counseling. I hope things improve and life finds a balance for you all. Stay strong and look after yourself, all the best. Try not to think the worst hopefully the turning point is round the corner.

I have had the same problems minus the stealing from my 16 yr old. I have tried everything to and he finally moved in with his dad. I hate that even worse because I miss him so greatly. I feel like I lost him. However you need to try and hang in there. Be consistant. If he has done something wrong or disrespectful make sure the consequences are ones you can enforce or he will keep walking all over you. Some people believe its his way of dealing with my illness but it is still no excuse
Hugs and prayers
Alesha

I can relate about your son not doing anything... while my son did go to school, it was a struggle... but I insisted and was very involved with his teachers and his homework. I promised him a car if he graduated, and it worked. Now, if I could just get him to hold down a job! :-)

Anyhow, I agree with some of the other advice. You need to get him into counseling. He may be battling depression or even a drug problem that you are unaware of.

I think it's important that you figure out exactly what you expect of him and if he does not meet your expectations and follow the rules, then you will have to follow through with consequences. There is no other way.

I would recommend that you sit down with him and have him sign a contract that you written out and both agreed upon. For instance, it might state something like this:

**You must go to school and pass your classes. If you do not attend school, you must get a full-time job and pay rent. Your rent will be $150 per month, due on the 1st. (If he's late you must revote TV, Phone, Computer, etc.). And if he still refuses to pay, then you must find a place for him to go. Help him find a teen in crisis center or something... but be strong and don't back down.

**He must agree to a drug test once a week (there are home tests available listed under the recommendation tab in this community). If he comes up positive, he will have to agree to go to rehab.

**There should be a curfew at his age and you should know where he is at, at all times.

**If he is caught stealing again, you will report him to the police.

**He must agree to attend counseling once a week (if he wants to live under your roof).

I know these sound harsh but at this point, it seems like there is no other way. Also, help him find something that he might be interested in (music, art, sports) and encourage him to nurture those strengths and interests.

Good luck and keep us posted.

gurltogurl's comment is pretty accurate. This subject / discussion is relatively the same to my familys own situation with my Soon to 18 year old daughter. I have told my daughter she will be leaving our family home on her 18th Birthday (now pending in 23 days.) We have been through many counseling and therapy programs in the past 3 years continuously and still on-going until she leaves my home. She has remained adimate that she will not change in her behaviors which are pretty much what you (vgillis) described above. We have had to contact the police several times due to anger issues with here... along with throwing in all the consequances for her behaviors including no extras purchased or given to her due to her refusal to do chores and participate in family functions... I continue to pick up after her since she refuses to clean up kitchen messes... I took her house key away from her... she has to remain outside until I arrive home. She does not get out or allowed out much with her friends due to her consistent behaviors... She has refused to go to church and other functions keeping me at home with her due to her being so admit... Currently she is fed, has a roof over her head, her clothing is savers brand and that is far as I will go. She continues to manipulate others to get what she wants and will say anything to get it... I have said it before... I will say it again... You cannot change anyone... You cannot make anyone do anything... They make a choice to do things the hard way... Why?! I have no idea?! other then my belief on the loss of discipline this generation had growing up... It is time for tough love... Even though it hurt's us more then it does them... It will be the only one to wake them if thats possible!? You have 2 choices here... Allow him to manipulate you... continue to give everything of yourself... then loose your mind slowly... or let him go to learn or fail... They need to actually see what it is like on the outside... the real world taking care of themselves for once and not using others... to learn what accountability / responsibility really means.

I have pretty much decided that I need to kick him out. For the past 4 years the household as revolved around him. I have tried everything.
and here I sit tonight..the second night in a row he has not come home. No idea where he is. No calls. No nothing. and I have to be up for work in 6 hours. Instead..once again I am sitting awake all night worrying about him.
He is not the only child in this house either. I have a 4 year old as well. But everything revolves around him. The houes is in a constant up roar because of his bull crap. I am so angry. Tired of being angry.
I need to get the guts to do this. Somehow.

My heart goes out to you and I know "almost" what you're going through. The reason I say almost is because I've been going through it on a much shorter time frame - five months. It seems like 4 years! I imagine you've tried just about everything but have you considered offering him a deal? How about giving him the choice between rehab or being kicked out? Is it legal even to kick out a 17 year old? Question: How many times has he been in rehab? I am in the midst of finding a place that keep my son for much longer than the average 45 day inpatient treatment centers. I know you said you've tried everything but have you tried Al Anon or Parents Anonymous? These groups (which I am a part of) have been extremely helpful. Also - contact a drug counselor for advice. They are the best.

he will come back to you one day but in the meantime stay strong.. it must be hard but you need to be tough with him

He is now going to school. but we still have other issues. If he misses a class, he gets locked out for the night. It's quite simple and I have stuck with it. It has happened on three occastions. 2 of which I called the police to come help me get him to leave. The third time, he went without fighting because he knew. But..he is in school. He got a progress report the other day and his marks are in the 70s. So its a start. I am not giving up on him. Although sometimes it is very hard to not want too.
I am starting to think this method of punishment, no matter how harsh it sounds, might be the answer to some of the other issues we have. But still thinking about it. It's tough. He is my kid. I love him more than anything.
I dream about the day he is an adult and we can have a different type of relationship. Working on changing me for when it happens! Cause I don't want to be doing this when he is 30! NO WAY!!