Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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deleted_user 05/04/2007

OK, I need all your help with this. My beautiful, angry & unmotivated daughter is turning 16 next Wednesday. Our family has been through a very rough year & she has definitely added to it. My relationship with her is not so good. She is flunking all her classes & has got into way too much crap this year. I have done the counseling, etc. & am still trying. Her dad pretty much checked out of our family a few years ago so he is no help, but enough of all that.
The problem is she doesn't want me to do anything for her birthday. Originally she asked me to take her & some friends on a two day shopping trip to the city. No way can I afford that! She now says don't do anything. I want to invite some of her friends over, or have a get together at a restaurant. She says she if I do either of these, she won't participate & that if she can't have what she wants, she doesn't want anything. I am tempted to throw together a quick surprise party - but I am afraid that she may surprise us all with a "F--- You all" & walking out. My friend says I should do nothing, but how can I do nothing? It's her 16th birthday! How can I make it special for her without spending too much?

deleted_user 05/10/2007

I understand that you love your daughter so much and you want to do something special for her sweet 16... but I think that she's being selfish with the whole if I can't have what I want, then I don't want anything stuff. I'm a single mom too and I know there's no way in hell I'd be able to afford a 2 day shopping trip for my kid AND her friends in the city. Jeez, that's a tall request. Maybe you should take her and her friends to a homeless shelter so they can see what it's really like to want.

deleted_user 05/12/2007

hi ,no dont surprize her . she will hate you for it. my daugter sounds like she was made from about the same cloth. she spent her 16 birthday in a alchol rehab. she wanted to go to a hotel with her friends in the city and just walk around and stuff, before all that took place. I was going to go and get one near her to monitor. so that maybe a suggestion

deleted_user 05/12/2007

She doesn't want a big deal made out of her birthday. Well, fix her favorite dishes and make a cake for family only. It isn't really a big deal but you get to celebrate a little.

deleted_user 05/13/2007

I have a daughter going on 16 as well. And we all are planning her sweet 16 birthday soon also. Either way you look at it it's going to cost a few dollars. I allways try to use common sense and reason with my kids. If you explain to her that you can't afford a 2 day shopping trip with friends, but you might be able to meet her half way on something, she should be able to accept that.

deleted_user 05/14/2007

Would it be possible to do a family get-together?... grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Have each of them bring a dish if finances are too tight to feed them all.

deleted_user 06/28/2007

Lol, ooohhh sweet sixteen. I'm 18, and I KNOW that was my worst year. I was a totally unbearable brat! Definetely don't do nothing, she's just being sulky about not getting what she wants, but saying no was good, teenagers need to hear no, they need to know that finances are an issue and they can't be selfish (of course, don't tell her she's being selfish, lol, just tell her you can't afford it, she should understand but will probably still sulk about it). DEFINETELY do something! Inivte her friends over, put out some munchies and pizza, rent some romantic comedies and leave the house for a few hours so her and her friends can relax alone and talk about boys and whatever else. Trust me, she will feel neglected if you do nothing.

jody0385 06/28/2007

You should definatley NOT do nothing.. That will only lead to her blaming you for her feeling inadequate about herself in years to come.. LOL.. What you could do is tell her how much money you are able to spend and see if she has any good ideas on what to do for that money.. 16 is HUGE and needs to be celebrated in some way.. After you tell her the amount if she decides she doesn't want to do anything then don't plan any activities and take that extra money and sock it into a better gift to surprise her with... I don't know how much you're looking to spend, but I'm pretty crafty.. I'm a single mom with slight to none help from the father.. My parents were single and my dad was cheap.. So I've grown up learning how to make fun out of little..

Best of luck..

deleted_user 07/15/2007

My daughter wanted a big party and a shopping spree. Unfortunately, we were still rebuidling and replacing everything we lost from Katrina. I told her she could have some money (decide what you can afford) and go shopping or I could have a small party for her at a resturaunt. She took the money and ran!

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